race report

Running has always been an important part of my life, and lately I've started training harder again. For a few years I got in a running slump where I just ran for fun and did not train hard. I missed the competitive aspect of running through, and want to make another strong push at running fast.

When I run fast, I feel so alive, and when I have my easy days running through the forest, I have some great conversations with God. I also enjoy running with others, I LOVE the social aspect of running. For those of you who know me best, you probably know that running is an important aspect of my life. With that said I ran a 5K a few weeks ago. My race report is below. I'll probably be blogging about running more in the future. I LOVE TO RUN!

Race Report for the KD Shamrock 5K (or rather 3.17 mile run)

I signed up for this race to test my fitness level. Going in I knew that my fitness level was not where it used to be, but I wanted to see where I actually stood. I was quite nervous going into this race. I could feel my stomach turning as I drove the short distance from Durham to Chapel Hill. I had not run a race since last April, and wondered if I would remember how to pace myself for a 5K. I arrived at the race early so that I could secure a prime parking spot. The race started at the Kappa Delta house at UNC. Around 7:40a the KD's liven up the environment by blaring festive music such as Black Eyed Pea Songs.

At about 8a, I started my warm up, and tried to just relax as I listening to my running mix on my ipod. I warmed up away from the race action to try to stay calm and focused. I stretched for awhile because I could not seem to get my right leg to loosen up as I warmed up. About 8:40a I started to notice they still had not drawn the starting line. Finally at 8:55a, they drew the starting line and I realized the race was not going to start at 9a as planned. The start was odd. Everyone was standing behind the starting line for awhile and eventually they shot the gun. No warning that I heard or announcement from a race director. I am not sure what time the race actually started.

I felt good as I started running. I bought new shoes this week and they made me feel fast. The course had plenty of spirited sorority girls directing runners through the course. They kept the course fairly clear, although in the last half mile they did not stop people walking across campus and I almost had a collision with an unassuming UNC student who looked like she was trying to go study. The last part of the course was a little windy which made it hard to kick, although I did try to give a final push in last small stretch. I came across the first mile in 5:50, the two mile mark at 11:48, and finished at 18:56. I know the race was longer than a 5K, it was listed at 3.175 on the course map but I was skeptical of that measurement. I was disappointed with my finish time, but now I have a renewed vigor to train hard. However, I can say I got used to being in a race environment again and got a good workout.

The food at the end of the race was okay. They had bagels w/ cream cheese, nutri grain bars, pop tarts, and brownies. The nice girl handing out the brownies explained that they were for carb reloading. The KD's may not have run the race perfectly, but they get an A+ for hospitality. They personally (and cheerfully) handed out bagels, brownies, and water while runners waited in the food line. They also had child care and let the kids build a fort. I do not have children, but one of my friends put her child in the childcare and she said it was great.

I was the first overall female and the prize bag was pretty good. This improved my mood after not running a great time. My prize bag included $10 to Jason's Deli, A free meal at Panera, Sunday brunch for two at Carolina Crossroads (in the Carolina Inn), $30 to Back Alley Bikes, and $60 to place called WOW. I'm still trying to figure out what the last one is. In addition to the gift cards, the bag included a headband and a very large pair of gold loops, neither are my style but I'm sure I can find a friend who will use the items.

Thanks for reading my race report. :) Happy running to everyone.

This season of life

I’m not really sure if anyone reads my blog, but I like to write so I’ll keep writing either way. For those of you who know me, I’m extremely extroverted. On the Myers Briggs I’m a strong “E”. Talking has always been a hobby of mine. I genuinely love to be around people and have people over for dinners and parties. In many stages of my life, I’d had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with people. I’ve enjoyed those stages.

Now I’m in a stage where I spend a great deal of the day alone. I am taking two distance learning theology classes and doing some other work from home. My work is not people oriented. The transition to adjust to this temporary season of life has been difficult at times, and a growing experience at other times. So many days I miss the human interaction of life and am so thankful when I do get to spend quality time with people.

This season of life is temporary. My classes will be over soon and I’ll find a counseling internship. However, I do not want to pass this season without taking time to reflect on it. One of the main things I have learned is that we do not always get to have life the way we want it, and when it’s not the way we’d pick, we need to adapt. As I have adapted I learned to talk to God more throughout the day. Some days the length of the days would get to me and my attempts to chat with God would just leave me more restless.

Then I heard about centering prayer. I’m so thankful to learn about this type of prayer. Basically for this time of prayer you just repeat a few words over and over that reminds you of God or are from scripture (ex: abba father). Then you sit with your eyes closed and say those words. Before you finish, you take a few deep breaths. I’m sure I am way over simplifying this method of prayer, but the main thing I learned from it is just to sit with God and enjoy that intimacy in a simple way. This type of prayer is not suppose to replace other types of prayer. It’s just an additional type. Through it, I’ve learned to relax and just enjoy the intimacy with God without letting my mind wander in many directions.

I’m just in the middle of this season, and yet, I can already see that this season has been one of smiles, tears, and learning.

My recent thoughts about Jesus

Lately I have been thinking about the person of Jesus. I’m taking a class called Life of Jesus, which started some of my more in depth thinking about Jesus, and through conversations with friends I’ve further developed these thoughts. The reason I am blogging about this topic is because I think many people have an inaccurate view of Jesus and the time in which he lived. I must say, for many years I was one of those people who thought of Jesus from my cultural lens. I do not have it all figured out, I’m still learning so much about Jesus everything, but I’m thankful for the things I have learned recently. Here are the highlights of what I’ve been thinking about in relation to Jesus. I’m sure I’ve borrowed some of this insight from those I have chatted with about this topic.

#1: Jesus was not a good moral teacher.
The following quote brought this point home for me this week:
“…Quite simply, the most shocking thing that has ever been uttered by human lips… I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: “I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept His claim to be God.” That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would be a lunatic — on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to… Jesus was never regarded as a mere moral teacher. He did not produce that effect on any of the people who actually met Him. He produced three effects — Hatred, Terror, and Adoration. There was no trace of people expressing mild approval. “
--C.S. Lewis

Lewis reminds us that regardless if you accept Jesus as the redeemer of the world, he was not a moral teacher. Jesus did many things that were shocking and did not sit well with his contemporaries. I think we have two options: except Jesus as our savior or write him off as an out there kind of fellow. I’ll take the first.

#2: Jesus is big enough to save the world.
This next quote reminded me that often we do not realize he is big enough to save, and we cannot half heartily believe in Jesus. We either believe in him fully or we don’t. The Bible does not offer a pick and choose option.
“A recent survey of the Church of England, discussing the manifold reasons why people do not go to church, comments, wryly: Part of the reason is simply a lack of belief that the death of Christ was turning-point of history.”
--N.T. Wright

This quote struck me because even though I am a professing Christian, and intellectually know that Jesus is big enough to save the world, I do not always remember this when life gets tough. Most people would agree that Jesus lived and is a historical person, but do you believe he was a mighty savior who rose from the dead?

#3: I cannot earn Jesus’ love…I am saved by grace, yet I should strive to live a life pleasing to God.
Anyone who is reading this and is at familiar with the Christian faith has probably heard that Christians cannot earn their way to heaven. The Bible makes it very clear that we are saved by grace. One passage that states this point is below.
Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Holy Bible, ESV).

I have known that I am saved by grace for years, yet for many of them, I do not think I realized I was still trying to work my way into Jesus’ good graces by performing. This is a tiring way to live because no one can ever do enough. It’s so logical to think, I can never do enough and therefore I do not need to perform, yet it’s so much more comfortable to try to perform because then we have more control of the situation. However, I do want to live a life pleasing to God out of my deep love for him. I am trying to step back ever so often and look at where I am trying to perform without realizing it. How freeing to know that the law cannot save me. I sin so often and am in desperate need of God’s grace.

#4: Jesus was part human and part God. This is important. He understands our suffering—he was human and went through suffering. Jesus is available in the highs and the lows. The people in the Old Testament had God and many prophets to direct them. Some of them were filled with the Holy Spirit (ex: King David), and God appears to them in more outright ways (ex: appeared to Moses in a burning bush). However, we now have a savior who has been through human suffering—this is huge. Life goes through up and down, and as I experience these different aspects of life, I’m so grateful to have a savior who went through a human life. All Christians now have the Holy Spirit in us as well. God is not some distant, far off being. He’s so real and personal to me. The more time I spend talking to God, the more time I feel the strength of that personal relationship he offers all me.

Thank you for reading this long blog. I have so much more to say about Jesus, but my other thoughts will have to wait until another time. I encourage everyone reading this to give Jesus an honest look. Many TV programs will tell you about all the flawed evidence about Jesus’ life, however, there is actually more evidence for Jesus resurrection that many of things we believe. On top of the evidence that exists, my personal conversations with God have assured me of his real presence in my life.

The Illusion of Perfection

In our current time of brief interactions with people in person and via social media it easy to appear as if we have life together and others do as well. Many people’s facebook pages say something along the lines of “I am so lucky to be married to the best husband ever and have wonderful children and a wonderful life.” When I read things like this on facebook, I can see why people write these things. I think I have a wonderful husband too, however, life is of course not perfect everyday. When I read these statements on facebook, I realized it’s tempting to think that people’s lives are perfect all the time. This is just not the case. Before technology boomed we interacted with friends on a more personal basis, which allowed us to see more of the facets of people’s lives. I am not suggesting social media is evil or bad, I am simply pointing out the ease with which we can compare ourselves to other without every truly knowing how others are doing on a basis.

Leaving social networking aside, many people, including myself, try to put on a perfect face with people whom we interact with on a minimal basis. For example, at times I hear people ask another, “You doing okay today?” This is a question that only leaves one correct answer, “Yes.” I am not suggesting we bear our souls to strangers or friends we do not consider close. However, I was just struck by the ease at which we can assume everyone else’s lives are perfect and ours are not.

Perfection cannot be achieved by humans. We must remember we are all a work in progress, some of us more than others; yet, we have a savior who is ready and willing to meet us in our imperfections. Some Christians believe that God cannot use him or her because he or she is too sinful or imperfect. This is false; God can use all people where we are as we move along in our sanctification process. If you do not believe in the Christian God and that Jesus’ death can stand in place of your imperfections or think you are too bad to be saved, maybe you should at least investigate it. I think you will be surprised at how God uses many imperfect people for his glory and sent one perfect person (Jesus) to make up for all of our imperfections. Just look at the Bible, God uses many sinners for his glory. Don’t let surface interactions fool you. We are all broken people and we cannot save ourselves.

Why the Health and Wealth Gospel is Wrong...

The health and wealth gospel basically means that if people obey God, then God will "bless" them with good health and material wealth. (aka, the person will be healthy and make lots of money.) I am writing about this topic because I think bad theology needs to be countered. Some Christian issues I am okay with people differing on, but I am not okay with letting this one go because the health and wealth gospel distorts the means of the Bible and causes people to feel like they can earn favor with God.

This method of thinking about God is wrong for many reasons. Here are two of them.

1. God does not owe us health or wealth. If we look at God as all good and the creator of everything, then demanding things from God is not consistent with God's character.

2. Believing that God will give you something based on what you do sets people up for a works mentality. The Bible says the following about salvation. Ephesians 2:8-9 (ESV) says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast."

These are just a few of the arguments against the health and wealth gospel. We talked about this topic in Sunday School last week. (Sunday School provides Christian education for adults and children). Many people believe parts of health and wealth theology without realizing it. For example, if I believe that God owes me a "blessing" for obeying him then I am falling into the trap of this bad theology.

Many times this type of theology shows up on the Christian TV stations. Last week, I saw a show that promised blessings to people that gave $2 a month. Many people called in and the charismatic pastor enthusiastically promised these people a blessing. These people may experience a blessing, but God is not giving these people a blessing simply because the person gave $2 a month. Health and wealth theology also shows in email spam. At times, I get emails promising me a blessing if I pass the email along to 10 people. While these emails may seem like harmless things to pass alone, each time someone passes them along, people are spreading bad theology.

While I cognitively know that God does not owe me anything, I can understand why this would be a tempting thing to believe, especially in times of desperation. We want to be able to work to save ourselves, it's a natural human desire, however, we cannot do anything to save ourselves. We can work to improve our situation or strive to be closer to God, but we can save ourselves. God must save us. It is actually very freeing to know that I cannot save myself or lose my salvation. If I knew I had to earn favor with God everyday, I would be exhausted trying to please him. I know that God will never let me go and never changes.

I'm back...and talking about suffering...

I started this blog last year. Many of friends have blogs about the kids, things they have been though, etc....I love reading these blogs but I could not figure out what to write or find the time to write. However, I realized I do have a topic, or at least for today--my passions in life.

I am passionate about helping people. After a few years in advertising, I realized advertising was fine for a few years and enjoyable much of the time, but not my passion. I wanted to wake up in the morning and feel passionate about my work. I know I will have many rough days in my counseling career, but I'll feel like I am living out my calling. For those of you who are reading this and do not come from a religious viewpoint, you might wonder or roll your eyes at the term calling but here's a quote by Fredrick Buechner that sums up my views on calling. "The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” I think a secular calling is equal to that of a ministry calling (pastor, etc..).

I am going to Haiti for one week in December. This trip combines a few of my passions, counseling and helping the materially poor. When I am in Haiti, I am sure I will see lots of suffering. Many may blame God for the suffering, but I do not. For those that believe in the Christian God, we should realize that if we are okay saying that God is powerful enough to create the world then he does not owe us an answer. We may or may not see a purpose in suffering. As humans, we try to make sense of our suffering. God does not like to see people suffer, but we live in a fallen world which means suffering will happen.

Someday, there will be a time of no more suffering. Right now we live in an inbetween stage. We have seen that Jesus did come once and died for our sins, but are in the inbetween state as we wait for his return. We live in a fallen world, and must wait for him to return, but as we wait, we have the hope that Jesus will come back. Once Jesus returns the world will be restored and humans will not have to suffer. In the meantime we need to help those suffering in big ways and small ways. Helping may look different for everyone and God cares deeply for the suffering in every part of the world.

Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." I have seen evidence that the Bible is true and God has changed my heart to help me see that he is real and true. I trust God, and pray that he will send people to help the suffering in all parts of the world, including the area where I live.

Someday I'll be an author....someday...

Someday I want to write a book. The someday part may happen years from now. I want to write a fiction book, but one that also educates people. I have learned a lot about history from so many of the books I have read. Those best sellers that so many people knock as trash, sometimes actually do act as a tool for teaching. Mine won’t really be about history. I want to educate people about mental illness. I think so many people with mental illnesses are treated like second-class citizens and frankly, I find it sad. I don’t expect everyone to sit through a lecture series on mental illness or get his or her masters. Some people are just not interested. That’s fine. There are many things that don’t interest me, but if I write a fiction book that is interesting, people might be interested, and learn in the process. Just a thought. Hopefully someday it will be more than a thought.