When God Says "No"

In modern day society we are told that if we work hard enough for a goal, we are sure to accomplish our goal. I see this thought process showing up all time with running. One must work hard to run a good race. Often I see posts on social media about a person trying to run a certain time in her goal race.  The person posts on social media that she has this set goal, maybe she posts many of her set training runs. Everyone cheers her on and says, “Yes, of course you will accomplish your goal.”  “You are great.” “You are so talented.” It’s all about what you can accomplish. Encouragement is good and much needed in our cynical world.  But what happens when you work hard and you don’t accomplish your goals? You’ve done everything right, and it’s not enough. The praise fades, or we are given dashes of hope for next time.

Accomplishing goals is empowering and a positive aspect of life. However, sometimes God says no. This blog is about what happens when God says no. I felt compelled to write this blog for all the people who have heard no, yet need the same encouragement people get who accomplish their goals. Maybe your goal wasn’t one based on working hard, but just something you really thought would happen in your life. This is for you too.

Let me tell you about my running injury. Last Spring I decided I would try to run one more fast marathon.  I had my youngest child weaned from breastfeeding and she was sleeping. I felt human again. The timing was right. I had my husband’s support, I was feeling the itch to run fast again, and I had figured out a way to carve out a little time for training. I wrote a blog about how I had some unresolved issues with running and how I was going to run fast one more time to resolve these issues.  Notice, it was about me, not God. I had already met my goal times earlier in life but I ended my fast running in a tough season in life. Now I was going to end my fast running journey in a happy season of life, on my terms. My thinking was surely God wanted me to use the talents He had given to me. I figured I’d wait a month or so to publish that blog. In that time, I hurt my Achilles tendon. Fast forward to almost a year later and my Achilles tendon is still hurt.  Training ceased. Not only did I not run a marathon, but I can barely run at all.  Today, I’m not even concerned about running fast, I just wish I could do a long run.

I do not believe that Christians should just sit on their hands waiting for a miracle to drop out of the sky. I made efforts to fix my Achilles. I rested, I cross-trained, I tried to ice, stretched, strengthened, and heated my Achilles. I went to a very good Dr and sought out Chiropractor care for my Achilles. The latter helped the most and helped me manage the pain but at the end of the day I’m still hurt.

To me, my inability to run is God saying “no, not right now.” I don’t know if this answer is no forever or no for this season. However, I do know that, while it’s painfully hard not to run, scripture gives us a basis for this situation. Many times in the Bible we see God shutting a door for a season such as when Sarah and Abraham couldn’t have a baby and God gave them a baby when they were advanced in age. Another example in Genesis occurred when Sarah asked Abraham to send Hagar (her slave girl) and Ishmael (Hagar and Abraham’s son) away. God protected Hagar and Ishmael and still promised to make them a great nation, despite Sarah’s plan to just push them out of the way.  Other times we see God just shutting doors without us knowing the reason. For example, the book of Job is full of God saying no. Job suffered tremendously, and yet, he didn’t turn away from God. Job didn’t understand his misfortune, yet he didn’t curse God.

Either way, whether the door is shut forever or for a season, I’m constantly looking for what God has for me to learn from a shut door. Sometimes we simply don’t know why a door is shut.

I’m not entirely sure why the running door is shut. I just know God clearly shut that door for now. I could speculate all day, maybe God wanted to send me in another direction? Maybe God was preparing me for other large changes that came this summer? Maybe God simply wanted to remind me that he was in control and to turn my eyes toward Him? I simply don’t know. I am reminded of the Lord’s Prayer though where we say “Thy will be done," not mine. 

If you are reading this post, and you are a Christian, my hope is to encourage you. My shut door was running fast, maybe yours is something bigger. Either way, I encourage you not to lose hope in God. I won’t give you canned Christian answers like just trust God and go on. Instead I encourage you to dig deeper. Yes, trust God, but examine why it’s so hard for you to have the door closed. Journal about your pain, dashed hopes, or new dreams. Hold on to hope in God. God can take it all. Talk to him. Cling close to Him. Pray for direction. God won’t leave you. He sees you and your hopes.

Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give a future and a hope” (Hold Bible, ESV).

If you aren’t a Christian, here’s some food for thought. You may be reading this and think, I really don’t believe God orchestrates things. I’m not going to spend this blog trying to convince you He does, but I will say, just think about this: what would be it be like to dream of a God who created the world, knows every hair on your head, and has a plan? 

Whichever camp you are in, don’t give up hope. It’s normal to feel a sense of loss when a door is shut or a path is turned in a different direction. I plan to keep going to the chiropractor for my foot.  I plan to process how I feel. I've written countless times in my journal how much I miss running. I miss the feel of getting up my heart rate while catching up with friends. I just miss the simple act of a long run. Jesus himself often expressed emotion. He expressed sadness and disappointment too. Journal and seek out trusted people to talk to about your shut door.  Know that I too am in your camp, I miss running, but I’m clinging to God with my Bible and journal in hand. This post is for all of you in the same boat as me. I see you. God sees you and he cares about every one of your goals, those you accomplish and those that don’t come to fruition. A good friend often tells me “God is in charge of the results, you are just responsible for acting on the things He put on your heart.”

Feeling powerless in the face of a test

I would like to preface this blog entry by saying that for the most part I have enjoyed my learning experiences at seminary. I have learned a vast amount about psychology and theology.

Now, on to my topic, my Old Testament class. This is the first class I legitimately think I could fail. I have never had a fear of failing my other classes, but this class is known for its high failure rate. With my other class, I have always known I would do fine if I prepared for class and the tests. Old Testament includes one test at the end of the class and the one test makes up students entire grade for the class. Furthermore, part I of the study guide includes 133 questions, some of which I am not even sure are correct on my study guide. Part II of the study guide includes questions about the main points of every book in the Old Testament.

I realized that the class is a self-defeating experience where I feel helpless and uncertain if I will pass. No matter how hard I study, I still may fail. I also feel a sense of injustice for myself and the other students who are taking the class. We can study for hours, but many come up short, and many are unable to even attain a “d” on the exam. We are in a helpless position. This class has given me a further glimpse into what the helpless in society must feel. This may seem like quite a stretch given this is just a class. But, this is one I work on everyday, unable to find many of the answers, and I remain a voiceless class participant as I struggle through it everyday. I cannot ask students who already took it for help because this is against the class rules so I must reside myself to solo studying with my commentary in hand 7 days a week.

I know many people in society feel voiceless because they live in a sense of poverty. Many people do not have a voice and must just struggle within the system. I live a life vastly different from people who sit in material poverty, but today I get a glimpse into feeling helpless and powerless. I know this is only a glimpse, but this small glimpse into helplessness is tough. Back to studying I go. I would love to ace this test to make up for some of the injustice those other hard working students had to face as they failed this test. I can only hope that I pass this test. Two more weeks until test time.