Feeling powerless in the face of a test

I would like to preface this blog entry by saying that for the most part I have enjoyed my learning experiences at seminary. I have learned a vast amount about psychology and theology.

Now, on to my topic, my Old Testament class. This is the first class I legitimately think I could fail. I have never had a fear of failing my other classes, but this class is known for its high failure rate. With my other class, I have always known I would do fine if I prepared for class and the tests. Old Testament includes one test at the end of the class and the one test makes up students entire grade for the class. Furthermore, part I of the study guide includes 133 questions, some of which I am not even sure are correct on my study guide. Part II of the study guide includes questions about the main points of every book in the Old Testament.

I realized that the class is a self-defeating experience where I feel helpless and uncertain if I will pass. No matter how hard I study, I still may fail. I also feel a sense of injustice for myself and the other students who are taking the class. We can study for hours, but many come up short, and many are unable to even attain a “d” on the exam. We are in a helpless position. This class has given me a further glimpse into what the helpless in society must feel. This may seem like quite a stretch given this is just a class. But, this is one I work on everyday, unable to find many of the answers, and I remain a voiceless class participant as I struggle through it everyday. I cannot ask students who already took it for help because this is against the class rules so I must reside myself to solo studying with my commentary in hand 7 days a week.

I know many people in society feel voiceless because they live in a sense of poverty. Many people do not have a voice and must just struggle within the system. I live a life vastly different from people who sit in material poverty, but today I get a glimpse into feeling helpless and powerless. I know this is only a glimpse, but this small glimpse into helplessness is tough. Back to studying I go. I would love to ace this test to make up for some of the injustice those other hard working students had to face as they failed this test. I can only hope that I pass this test. Two more weeks until test time.