It’s okay not to be okay

My life has changed so much in the last year and a half, sometimes I have it all together, occasionally I fall to pieces and sometimes I am somewhere in the middle. I am now dated a wonderful man who regularly melts my heart, respects me, and cares for me in amazing ways. 

I started over, and know that loving again means I could get hurt again. This is scary. However, I’ll take the risk because life is too short not to love someone who melts your heart.

I’ve had folks request that I keep people updated on my blog as move through my journey. As I thought about this request, I realized I lead a pretty ordinary life. I work, run, hang out with friends, and all of the normal tasks most working professionals do. After an eventful year, I crave the ordinary. Eventful sounds exhausting. Ordinary sounds amazing.

I hope to start racing fast again soon, and plan to blog about my running and my life as I did before, expect this time my blog will probably have more depth.  As I re-read my past blogs, pre-divorce, I realized I had insightful thoughts on situations. However, my blogs post separation/ divorce seems to have a new depth of understanding about life. This understanding grew from losing everything in my life, as I knew it. Many times we have bad scenarios in our heads, but rarely do all the things we fear happen in one year. Sometimes they do though.

One final message I’d like to express in this blog entry: it’s okay not to be okay. We all want to come across as people who have it all together. Careers, relationships, athletic endeavors, and family can all be areas where we hope to have astounding results. I want success, and when I have set backs, it can be easy to cover my failures with smiles or trite comments. So much can be covered up with a smile, and an amazing outfit, but I’ll be the first to say I am not strong everyday. Sometimes I still fall to pieces, sometimes I get overcome with anxiety, and sometimes I am just a mess. And when the pieces unravel, I need someone to step in and help, and that’s okay.

I often feel loads of insecurity, inadequacy, and self-annoyance when I fall on my face, and have to inconvenience someone to help me. So, I end by saying no matter what life throws at you, we all have valleys and mountains, and we must stand and say “It’s okay not to be okay.” Eventually it will be okay. Someday. I can’t tell you when. And in the meantime cling to those that love you and want to see you succeed.  Those people will hug you, make you laugh, and pour you a glass of wine. I’m not sure what my life will hold, but I can only hope it holds moments with friends and family who make my life richer by knowing them.

Preview: Next blog entry about the move to Texas