Finding Joy in the Life I Love but Never Thought I Wanted
In my mid-20’s, I had a plan for my life. I was going to change the world. I was going to live in the city, stay engaged with the culture, and embrace the diversity and all the city had to offer. At the time, I believed that suburbs were for people who were happy with the status quo, wanted a house that matched their neighbors, and a comfortable job. Basically, I thought the 'burbs were boring. I guess you could say I was a bit snobby about where I lived. I lived in Cambridge (right outside of Boston), Durham (which I loved but was more of a stopping point along the way), and San Francisco (which I believed would be my final stop).
Back then, I had a very different life than I have now. When I lived in San Francisco I was married to my ex-husband, lived in a small apartment in the heart of the city, ran fast, attended a hip church, and had a great group of friends. Running in beautiful areas, fun brunches, and drinks out were the norm. Lunch after church was actually a thing. My goals were different as was my life. Now when I tell people about this life, I feel as if I'm telling stories from someone else’s life.
Fast forward to the present. I live in the suburbs, am remarried and have two beautiful daughters whom I love more than I ever thought possible. The suburb life that I never wanted is all I want now. I regularly tell my husband I hope we get to stay here at least until our kids graduate high school. My life is considered quite boring by most people’s standards. And yet I love living here, being a Mom, and being married to Carl. Days can get tough and lonely with a toddler and a baby. Yet this life is so beautiful to me.
However, sometimes it’s easy to look at my life as a suburb mom and start to think, what’s my purpose? How can I live out God’s calling in my everyday, ordinary life? Where’s my joy in these every days? What did I accomplish today? The obvious answer is that my purpose is to raise my beautiful girls. I’ve tried to look beyond this simple answer and think about the true meaning of my life as a stay at home mom. I also want to look at the big picture of raising my children, instead of constantly getting caught up in the day-to-day temper tantrums and diapers.
What I’ve come to discover is that sometimes living out the ordinary days can be much harder than living out an exciting calling, but is no less important in the eyes in God. Changing diapers, playing with my kids and staying calm during temper tantrums (which I don’t always do) is caring for God’s children and helping to shape them. I heard this concept about caring for God’s children in a Bible study. This concept helped shape the way I look at my daily life. Sometimes finding joy in the everyday can be hard, yet, when I stop to reflect on what I have to be joyful about and thankful for, my list is so long. God has given me a healthy family, people to share life with, the ability to stay home, and a faith in Him to have hope in so much more than what I see in front of me.
I’ve also learned that I can’t do life alone. Recently I looked back at a Facebook picture album from the year I got divorced. I now can clearly see that people were the theme of the album. People who stood by my side when life wasn’t fun. For the first time in my adult life, I truly needed people, and survived on their prayers. While my life now is pretty stable, I still need people. I rely on other moms to come over and provide adult interaction, my Mom’s group at church which provides a little break and encouragement in my week, my two running partners who let me have some girl time and get fresh air, and most importantly, my husband and partner in parenting. Whatever stage of life I’m in, I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to do life without other people.
In closing, I leave you with this thought. I truly believe going through all the phases of my life are part of God's plan. My current life is an absolutely beautiful part of His plan. When I stop to think about my life, the life God planned for me has had more twists and turns that I could have ever written for myself. It’s an adventure for sure. We can choose how we respond to God’s grace and plan for our lives. At the end of the day I chose a spirit of joy. This does not mean I’m happy all the time. Happiness is a feeling based on circumstances, whereas joy is a truth we can rely on because we know the truths about God’s character. In a sermon about joy, Tim Keller said the following, “A child of God will receive a joy of such intensity that no sorrow in the end can overwhelm it.” Joy isn’t based on my feelings, exciting activities, or how well my kids are behaving. Joy is a characteristic of God that we too can share. In this, and all stages of life, I need my faith in Jesus, my people, and my joy.
Note to tired moms: At one point while writing this blog, I had an usually tough night with my baby. It's hard to find joy when you are up all night. If you are sleep deprived, try to get some rest and then think about joy.
