As many of you know, I'm a stay at home mom to my two beautiful girls, Anna Grace (5 in May) and Caroline (3 in June). A few weeks ago we were headed into Spring activities with full force. Both girls attend preschool a few mornings a week, and both were back in the rhythm of school post Christmas break. Anna Grace takes ballet and was working on her recital dance each week. During Spring Break, we took a break from our regular activities; we played with friends, went to the Houston Zoo, went to the pool, and soaked in the sunshine.
However, as Spring Break was coming to an end, the United States was slowly starting to shut down from the COVID-19 pandemic. The San Francisco area was starting to go into shelter in place. There was talk of closing down schools in Houston and the surrounding area. The Houston Rodeo, which is visited by 2.5 million people a year, closed down. As the week came to an end, the local school district and preschools cancelled classes post Spring Break. When church was cancelled, I knew this was bad situation.
Schools announced they planned to close for about a month. I love my kids but I started to think, what are we going to do? We NEVER stay home. For my sanity and my kid’s sanity, we stay very busy. We do something every morning, either go to the gym or kids go to preschool. We fill our afternoons with ballet, speech for Caroline, play dates, the pool, and errands.
When I first thought about us staying home, I was panicked. Would my kids get enough from me? I’m a HUGE extrovert, how would I get social interaction? One of the ways I stay sane as a mother is through interacting with others. How would I get time for intellectual stimulation or a moment to myself?
As my new reality set in, I realized I would be spending many days without adult interaction. Loneliness and sadness crept in. I was frustrated when people assured me that video calls would be an equal substitute for in person interaction. These calls have their place, but do not fill my need for adult interaction. My Bible studies came to a halt; I knew I couldn’t do those with the kids around. The gym closed. My social outlets pretty much dissolved over night.
I felt like people thought I “should” be happy. The message I saw on social media was to be grateful that I have a home and wasn’t sick. I felt like I was hearing “How could I be anything except happy? My kids are going to college someday, didn’t I want to enjoy them?” I realized I needed to feel like it was okay that I was having a hard time and I need to be able to voice those feelings. Having others validate my emotions was incredibly helpful and I wanted to provide this same help for other parents.
When my new reality fully set in, I cried, a good long cry. This good cry actually helped me move forward. While gratitude is important, there were other feelings going on such as loss, grief, sadness, and fear. Those other feeling need to be expressed and allowed as well. If you are crying an unusual amount, please consider seeking outside help. However, if you just need a good cry, that makes sense given the current situation. Some days are extremely tough and others are easier. We are trying to take them all in stride. (Trying is the key word!) Additionally, I'm getting accustomed to not seeing people, although I still find it extremely difficult and isolating.
I've learned that I am deeply bothered by certain societal problems. When a problem meets something I’m passionate about, my natural instinct is to help advocate for that issue. Frederick Buechner, a famous American theologian, put it best when he said "The place God calls you to is where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." I have felt empowered getting to help people in my demographic work through how they feel during this uncertain time. Many articles have been written about helping kids, but I see a real need to help parents. Just talking about the issue provides validation to parents and let’s them know that they aren’t alone.
Lastly, I have set a few boundaries for myself to help manage my mental health. I very rarely watch the news, I only read news on my phone a few times a day, I support people with a doomsday approach from afar, I call/ text people, and I limit my time on social media. These boundaries combined with bringing light to this issue have helped my mental health tremendously. Just like people are being diligent about washing their hands, my hope is to encourage people to take care of their mental health and soul as well. Much love and stay safe.
If any of you need to chat, just call.
