Today I failed. I would actually refer to my race as an epic fail. I ran an 8K (5 miles) and got a stomach pain at mile 3. This was not a "I feel like I am going the throw up because I ran too hard pain." No, this was just plain old stomach pain. I have only had similar pain while running one other time. I consider this race an epic failure because I trained hard and tapered for the race yet I did not run like it. The time I ran today, I could have run without so much training and especially without tapering. My legs are fine, they feel great. I never had a chance to push my legs because my stomach pain slowed me down too much. I worked hard to not perform. This all coupled with the fact that I can be hard on myself can be a bad combo.
My sweet husband was at the race to cheer me on and there to provide a big hug at the end. He was very supportive. Post race I was all tears, and just wanted to leave. I did my cool down on the treadmill at our hotel. Last time I got such bad stomach pain in a race there was beer after the race which helped to calm my tears. This time there was no beer so the tears continued. Days like this are not my proudest days, and I wish I handled them a little better. At this point I hope to never return to Kinston ever again. I know this is an extreme statement and I will probably change my mind at some point, but for now I'd like to forget the race happened. For this race I won't be writing a race report. All I would have to write are mile 1-3 were fine, mile 4-5 were no fun.
At first I did not plan to write anything about this race, but I later decided to blog about it because sometimes all I do is read about people having the perfect races, and that is not how the the life of most runners pans out. We all have bad races and today I had one and felt a strong sense of failure. I'll have to remember this race for a few weeks because I am not racing again until April 8th. Quite honestly, I'm a little afraid of failing then too. I could try to put an optimistic spin on this blog, but I'll pass on that. I know running a bad race is not the end of the world, but it still stinks and just does not feel very good. Hopefully next time I run a race I will have a happier race report to send out.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Running Through the Forest Thinking About "Jesus Messiah"
Recently I have been listing to the song “Jesus Messiah” by Chris Tomlin quite frequently. This is a great song for a running mix or just to listen to at home. The line I have had in my head from this song is, “Jesus Messiah, Lord of all.” The song talks about Jesus as a great redeemer and the Lord over the entire world.
The words of this song have really spoken to me lately, and especially this morning on my run. As I have been studying about Jesus and the time before Jesus came, I can so clearly see that the Old Testament sets the way for a perfect messiah. In the Old Testament, the Israelites wanted a king, and had many kings, but none of them could rule perfectly. Even the kings, who were the good kings, were still far from perfect.
David was a great king, but also had a great sin. In 2 Samuel 2:11 David committed his great sin by sleeping with Bathsheba, who was a married women. Then David compounded his sinful acts by having Bathsheba’s husband killed when David put him in the front of the battle lines. David did not repent of his sin until God sent Nathan, a prophet, to convict David of his sin. David then repented of his sin and the Lord forgave him. Even though David sinned, the Lord still favored David and appreciated that David truly had a heart for God. David was so far from perfect, yet he recognized his need for the true God, Yahweh. This is so encouraging to me because I sin everyday and as I repent of my sins, I am thankful God is concerned with the state of my heart and not that I can perfectly obey.
Flipping back to the Jewish people wanting a Messiah, many people back in Jesus day had a different idea of what type of savior God would send, however, many agreed that they believed that true king and messiah would come from the line of David. Christ did come from the Davidic line. God made a covenant with David and part of that covenant said he would, “enable his son to build a temple.” God did not mean David’s direct son but meant someone from the Davidic line. Someone from the Davidic line did rebuilt the temple in the Old Testament, but David’s descendents still realized the need for a perfect king. Christ fulfilled this by being the perfect king. Christ was not the king many expected. Many expected a more powerful king, but looking back we can see how perfectly Christ fulfills the promises from the Old Testament. The Old Testament is so filled with messianic prophecies that pave the way for Jesus.
Today I was thinking through all the people in the Old Testament had to go through as they were taken from their land, lived in exile, and then rebuilt the temple. The people deserved this as they constantly sinned but God so graciously provided for his people in the Old Testament just as he provides for us today. The words of his song about Christ humbling himself for his people and coming as a redeemer give me such a such a deep appreciation for what Christ did on behalf. I need reminders of just how perfectly history is planned out, and Jesus amazing love for God’s people. So many years and so much history all build up to the plan God has to redeem the world. The final stage of redemption for the world has not come yet, but our savior has come, and will come again.
As I ran through the Duke forest this morning and listened to this song many times, all of this history was so fresh in my mind. This song encompassed so much of this history and my life that I was thinking about. My body was tired, my legs felt like dead weight, I was already getting nervous for a race next week, and I had was thinking about the studying I needed to do, but this song gave me a sense of peace and thankfulness that Jesus sent this perfect messiah who is so real in my life. I still wish I faster and smarter and I’m still nervous about my race and stressed about my test, but comforted by the powerful love of Christ, my Lord and savior. Becoming a Christian did not automatically take away my fears, but it gave me an ultimate hope to live for today and everyday.
The words of this song have really spoken to me lately, and especially this morning on my run. As I have been studying about Jesus and the time before Jesus came, I can so clearly see that the Old Testament sets the way for a perfect messiah. In the Old Testament, the Israelites wanted a king, and had many kings, but none of them could rule perfectly. Even the kings, who were the good kings, were still far from perfect.
David was a great king, but also had a great sin. In 2 Samuel 2:11 David committed his great sin by sleeping with Bathsheba, who was a married women. Then David compounded his sinful acts by having Bathsheba’s husband killed when David put him in the front of the battle lines. David did not repent of his sin until God sent Nathan, a prophet, to convict David of his sin. David then repented of his sin and the Lord forgave him. Even though David sinned, the Lord still favored David and appreciated that David truly had a heart for God. David was so far from perfect, yet he recognized his need for the true God, Yahweh. This is so encouraging to me because I sin everyday and as I repent of my sins, I am thankful God is concerned with the state of my heart and not that I can perfectly obey.
Flipping back to the Jewish people wanting a Messiah, many people back in Jesus day had a different idea of what type of savior God would send, however, many agreed that they believed that true king and messiah would come from the line of David. Christ did come from the Davidic line. God made a covenant with David and part of that covenant said he would, “enable his son to build a temple.” God did not mean David’s direct son but meant someone from the Davidic line. Someone from the Davidic line did rebuilt the temple in the Old Testament, but David’s descendents still realized the need for a perfect king. Christ fulfilled this by being the perfect king. Christ was not the king many expected. Many expected a more powerful king, but looking back we can see how perfectly Christ fulfills the promises from the Old Testament. The Old Testament is so filled with messianic prophecies that pave the way for Jesus.
Today I was thinking through all the people in the Old Testament had to go through as they were taken from their land, lived in exile, and then rebuilt the temple. The people deserved this as they constantly sinned but God so graciously provided for his people in the Old Testament just as he provides for us today. The words of his song about Christ humbling himself for his people and coming as a redeemer give me such a such a deep appreciation for what Christ did on behalf. I need reminders of just how perfectly history is planned out, and Jesus amazing love for God’s people. So many years and so much history all build up to the plan God has to redeem the world. The final stage of redemption for the world has not come yet, but our savior has come, and will come again.
As I ran through the Duke forest this morning and listened to this song many times, all of this history was so fresh in my mind. This song encompassed so much of this history and my life that I was thinking about. My body was tired, my legs felt like dead weight, I was already getting nervous for a race next week, and I had was thinking about the studying I needed to do, but this song gave me a sense of peace and thankfulness that Jesus sent this perfect messiah who is so real in my life. I still wish I faster and smarter and I’m still nervous about my race and stressed about my test, but comforted by the powerful love of Christ, my Lord and savior. Becoming a Christian did not automatically take away my fears, but it gave me an ultimate hope to live for today and everyday.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Run for the Oaks 5K
This weekend I ran the Run for the Oaks 5K in Raleigh. I'll try to remember as much as possible for this report, but now that it is Wednesday night, last Saturday seems like a long time ago.
The weather was great on Saturday. The temperature was in the 40's at race time, although it quickly warmed up after. The race was in downtown Raleigh. The course started in Moore Square, and mainly seemed to go out and loop back around to end at the same place we started.
My legs felt heavy from the beginning after a long week of running, but as the gun went off I got a burst of energy. I ran the first mile in the mid 5:40's...If I remember correctly the split was 5:44. After mile one I felt great and had a spirt of energy. I hit the second mile in the 11:40's. I think it was about 11:45. However, after I hit the two mile mark, and had 1.1 miles to go, I started to feel fatigued. Also, another woman had just caught up to me and passed me at this point. When she first passed me, I thought, oh well she beat me, she looks strong, and I'm feeling beat. However, then my ubber competitive nature kicked in and I picked it up. We went back and forth for awhile, and then with about 800 meters or less to go, I sprinted it in. I've never really had a kick, but on Saturday, I actually surprised myself and had a kick. My finishing chip time was 18:20.
As a prize I won a $50 gift card to a running store in Raleigh, which was great because I needed a new water bottle for my Sunday run. Overall the race was well run and enjoyable. I'd recommend it.
Here is a link to the results. http://bit.ly/h9kH4J
The weather was great on Saturday. The temperature was in the 40's at race time, although it quickly warmed up after. The race was in downtown Raleigh. The course started in Moore Square, and mainly seemed to go out and loop back around to end at the same place we started.
My legs felt heavy from the beginning after a long week of running, but as the gun went off I got a burst of energy. I ran the first mile in the mid 5:40's...If I remember correctly the split was 5:44. After mile one I felt great and had a spirt of energy. I hit the second mile in the 11:40's. I think it was about 11:45. However, after I hit the two mile mark, and had 1.1 miles to go, I started to feel fatigued. Also, another woman had just caught up to me and passed me at this point. When she first passed me, I thought, oh well she beat me, she looks strong, and I'm feeling beat. However, then my ubber competitive nature kicked in and I picked it up. We went back and forth for awhile, and then with about 800 meters or less to go, I sprinted it in. I've never really had a kick, but on Saturday, I actually surprised myself and had a kick. My finishing chip time was 18:20.
As a prize I won a $50 gift card to a running store in Raleigh, which was great because I needed a new water bottle for my Sunday run. Overall the race was well run and enjoyable. I'd recommend it.
Here is a link to the results. http://bit.ly/h9kH4J
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Feeling powerless in the face of a test
I would like to preface this blog entry by saying that for the most part I have enjoyed my learning experiences at seminary. I have learned a vast amount about psychology and theology.
Now, on to my topic, my Old Testament class. This is the first class I legitimately think I could fail. I have never had a fear of failing my other classes, but this class is known for its high failure rate. With my other class, I have always known I would do fine if I prepared for class and the tests. Old Testament includes one test at the end of the class and the one test makes up students entire grade for the class. Furthermore, part I of the study guide includes 133 questions, some of which I am not even sure are correct on my study guide. Part II of the study guide includes questions about the main points of every book in the Old Testament.
I realized that the class is a self-defeating experience where I feel helpless and uncertain if I will pass. No matter how hard I study, I still may fail. I also feel a sense of injustice for myself and the other students who are taking the class. We can study for hours, but many come up short, and many are unable to even attain a “d” on the exam. We are in a helpless position. This class has given me a further glimpse into what the helpless in society must feel. This may seem like quite a stretch given this is just a class. But, this is one I work on everyday, unable to find many of the answers, and I remain a voiceless class participant as I struggle through it everyday. I cannot ask students who already took it for help because this is against the class rules so I must reside myself to solo studying with my commentary in hand 7 days a week.
I know many people in society feel voiceless because they live in a sense of poverty. Many people do not have a voice and must just struggle within the system. I live a life vastly different from people who sit in material poverty, but today I get a glimpse into feeling helpless and powerless. I know this is only a glimpse, but this small glimpse into helplessness is tough. Back to studying I go. I would love to ace this test to make up for some of the injustice those other hard working students had to face as they failed this test. I can only hope that I pass this test. Two more weeks until test time.
Now, on to my topic, my Old Testament class. This is the first class I legitimately think I could fail. I have never had a fear of failing my other classes, but this class is known for its high failure rate. With my other class, I have always known I would do fine if I prepared for class and the tests. Old Testament includes one test at the end of the class and the one test makes up students entire grade for the class. Furthermore, part I of the study guide includes 133 questions, some of which I am not even sure are correct on my study guide. Part II of the study guide includes questions about the main points of every book in the Old Testament.
I realized that the class is a self-defeating experience where I feel helpless and uncertain if I will pass. No matter how hard I study, I still may fail. I also feel a sense of injustice for myself and the other students who are taking the class. We can study for hours, but many come up short, and many are unable to even attain a “d” on the exam. We are in a helpless position. This class has given me a further glimpse into what the helpless in society must feel. This may seem like quite a stretch given this is just a class. But, this is one I work on everyday, unable to find many of the answers, and I remain a voiceless class participant as I struggle through it everyday. I cannot ask students who already took it for help because this is against the class rules so I must reside myself to solo studying with my commentary in hand 7 days a week.
I know many people in society feel voiceless because they live in a sense of poverty. Many people do not have a voice and must just struggle within the system. I live a life vastly different from people who sit in material poverty, but today I get a glimpse into feeling helpless and powerless. I know this is only a glimpse, but this small glimpse into helplessness is tough. Back to studying I go. I would love to ace this test to make up for some of the injustice those other hard working students had to face as they failed this test. I can only hope that I pass this test. Two more weeks until test time.
Friday, March 11, 2011
race report
Running has always been an important part of my life, and lately I've started training harder again. For a few years I got in a running slump where I just ran for fun and did not train hard. I missed the competitive aspect of running through, and want to make another strong push at running fast.
When I run fast, I feel so alive, and when I have my easy days running through the forest, I have some great conversations with God. I also enjoy running with others, I LOVE the social aspect of running. For those of you who know me best, you probably know that running is an important aspect of my life. With that said I ran a 5K a few weeks ago. My race report is below. I'll probably be blogging about running more in the future. I LOVE TO RUN!
Race Report for the KD Shamrock 5K (or rather 3.17 mile run)
I signed up for this race to test my fitness level. Going in I knew that my fitness level was not where it used to be, but I wanted to see where I actually stood. I was quite nervous going into this race. I could feel my stomach turning as I drove the short distance from Durham to Chapel Hill. I had not run a race since last April, and wondered if I would remember how to pace myself for a 5K. I arrived at the race early so that I could secure a prime parking spot. The race started at the Kappa Delta house at UNC. Around 7:40a the KD's liven up the environment by blaring festive music such as Black Eyed Pea Songs.
At about 8a, I started my warm up, and tried to just relax as I listening to my running mix on my ipod. I warmed up away from the race action to try to stay calm and focused. I stretched for awhile because I could not seem to get my right leg to loosen up as I warmed up. About 8:40a I started to notice they still had not drawn the starting line. Finally at 8:55a, they drew the starting line and I realized the race was not going to start at 9a as planned. The start was odd. Everyone was standing behind the starting line for awhile and eventually they shot the gun. No warning that I heard or announcement from a race director. I am not sure what time the race actually started.
I felt good as I started running. I bought new shoes this week and they made me feel fast. The course had plenty of spirited sorority girls directing runners through the course. They kept the course fairly clear, although in the last half mile they did not stop people walking across campus and I almost had a collision with an unassuming UNC student who looked like she was trying to go study. The last part of the course was a little windy which made it hard to kick, although I did try to give a final push in last small stretch. I came across the first mile in 5:50, the two mile mark at 11:48, and finished at 18:56. I know the race was longer than a 5K, it was listed at 3.175 on the course map but I was skeptical of that measurement. I was disappointed with my finish time, but now I have a renewed vigor to train hard. However, I can say I got used to being in a race environment again and got a good workout.
The food at the end of the race was okay. They had bagels w/ cream cheese, nutri grain bars, pop tarts, and brownies. The nice girl handing out the brownies explained that they were for carb reloading. The KD's may not have run the race perfectly, but they get an A+ for hospitality. They personally (and cheerfully) handed out bagels, brownies, and water while runners waited in the food line. They also had child care and let the kids build a fort. I do not have children, but one of my friends put her child in the childcare and she said it was great.
I was the first overall female and the prize bag was pretty good. This improved my mood after not running a great time. My prize bag included $10 to Jason's Deli, A free meal at Panera, Sunday brunch for two at Carolina Crossroads (in the Carolina Inn), $30 to Back Alley Bikes, and $60 to place called WOW. I'm still trying to figure out what the last one is. In addition to the gift cards, the bag included a headband and a very large pair of gold loops, neither are my style but I'm sure I can find a friend who will use the items.
Thanks for reading my race report. :) Happy running to everyone.
When I run fast, I feel so alive, and when I have my easy days running through the forest, I have some great conversations with God. I also enjoy running with others, I LOVE the social aspect of running. For those of you who know me best, you probably know that running is an important aspect of my life. With that said I ran a 5K a few weeks ago. My race report is below. I'll probably be blogging about running more in the future. I LOVE TO RUN!
Race Report for the KD Shamrock 5K (or rather 3.17 mile run)
I signed up for this race to test my fitness level. Going in I knew that my fitness level was not where it used to be, but I wanted to see where I actually stood. I was quite nervous going into this race. I could feel my stomach turning as I drove the short distance from Durham to Chapel Hill. I had not run a race since last April, and wondered if I would remember how to pace myself for a 5K. I arrived at the race early so that I could secure a prime parking spot. The race started at the Kappa Delta house at UNC. Around 7:40a the KD's liven up the environment by blaring festive music such as Black Eyed Pea Songs.
At about 8a, I started my warm up, and tried to just relax as I listening to my running mix on my ipod. I warmed up away from the race action to try to stay calm and focused. I stretched for awhile because I could not seem to get my right leg to loosen up as I warmed up. About 8:40a I started to notice they still had not drawn the starting line. Finally at 8:55a, they drew the starting line and I realized the race was not going to start at 9a as planned. The start was odd. Everyone was standing behind the starting line for awhile and eventually they shot the gun. No warning that I heard or announcement from a race director. I am not sure what time the race actually started.
I felt good as I started running. I bought new shoes this week and they made me feel fast. The course had plenty of spirited sorority girls directing runners through the course. They kept the course fairly clear, although in the last half mile they did not stop people walking across campus and I almost had a collision with an unassuming UNC student who looked like she was trying to go study. The last part of the course was a little windy which made it hard to kick, although I did try to give a final push in last small stretch. I came across the first mile in 5:50, the two mile mark at 11:48, and finished at 18:56. I know the race was longer than a 5K, it was listed at 3.175 on the course map but I was skeptical of that measurement. I was disappointed with my finish time, but now I have a renewed vigor to train hard. However, I can say I got used to being in a race environment again and got a good workout.
The food at the end of the race was okay. They had bagels w/ cream cheese, nutri grain bars, pop tarts, and brownies. The nice girl handing out the brownies explained that they were for carb reloading. The KD's may not have run the race perfectly, but they get an A+ for hospitality. They personally (and cheerfully) handed out bagels, brownies, and water while runners waited in the food line. They also had child care and let the kids build a fort. I do not have children, but one of my friends put her child in the childcare and she said it was great.
I was the first overall female and the prize bag was pretty good. This improved my mood after not running a great time. My prize bag included $10 to Jason's Deli, A free meal at Panera, Sunday brunch for two at Carolina Crossroads (in the Carolina Inn), $30 to Back Alley Bikes, and $60 to place called WOW. I'm still trying to figure out what the last one is. In addition to the gift cards, the bag included a headband and a very large pair of gold loops, neither are my style but I'm sure I can find a friend who will use the items.
Thanks for reading my race report. :) Happy running to everyone.
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