Learnings 3 weeks into Quarantine

We’ve been staying home for about 3 weeks now. I’ve realized that different life experiences I’ve been through and my faith give me a unique framework for this situation. However, nothing could prepare me for a pandemic. When I was going through a divorce, many things were unknown for me, but the rest of the world was stable. Now the whole world is off kilter. 

I’ve often had a hard time thinking through what to write as my brain feels like mush and I forget many things. This is most likely a psychological effect from the crisis and a product of having small kids running around all day. 

Throughout this all, I have learned a few things about how I process the situation. 

Boundaries and asking permission are always important but are especially critical during times like this when things are out of our control. I have always been a boundary person and find it important for people to respect my boundaries and I theirs. However, when life is out of control it seems especially offensive when people don’t ask permission or exercise good boundaries.

I have a deep desire to feel my senses more strongly since I do not get to exercise my senses in a typical way. I’m in sensory deprivation. I crave rich foods and tight hugs from my husband. My senses are lacking in things I don’t get to see and conversation and connections I miss having with friends, and my body is trying to compensate by feeling other senses more deeply. 

I am better with my kids than I think and I am enough for them. This isn’t a brag. I’m not perfect, but I used to panic when we had long school breaks, wondering how I’d entertain my kids, or if my engagement would be enough. Both of my girls absolutely LOVE preschool. I learned that while I love preschool time too, I can keep two kids entertained at home, although it is the most exhausting thing I’ve ever done. I am enough for my kids. I won’t be perfect, but that’s okay. Kids don’t need a perfect parent, they need a parent who they feel safe and loved in their presence. A parent who can express emotions in a healthy way, and say I’m sorry. 

I have tools in my toolbox to handle adversity and conflict. My husband and I have learned a great deal about marriage, and we can pull from those resources and put them in place. This doesn’t mean it’s perfect. We have to adapt, adjust, and say sorry “will you forgive me?” I have tools to deal with anxiety and depression. I can use these tools in crisis times and normal times.

We can’t hide behind technology, it doesn’t replace in-person interaction in normal times. I understand that we need to use technology to connect right now, but when things return to normal, I hope we’ll remember in person interactions are critical to human existence. I am an extrovert, and gain energy from being around people. I definitely gain more energy from in person interactions. I am grateful that I have a great support system of friends who help me stay around people when we aren’t in crisis mode.

Some days will be harder than others, and maybe for no particular reason. We are living through an unprecedented time. Our emotions will ebb and flow. If we can’t pinpoint  a reason, maybe we consider letting ourselves sit in those feelings, process them, and this will allow us to move forward with our day in whatever mood we have that day. For example, days when I'm down, I look for things to be thankful for in my life. When I’m anxious I tend to look for things that are stable. I look, even for a glimmer of hope, in the area I’m lacking for that day.

Lastly, I am a Christian, and I’ve felt Jesus’ presence all throughout the chaos. When I read the Bible, I’m reminded of Jesus’ hope. The words in the song “In Christ Alone” resonate with me. 

“In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This Cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand”

A belief in Christ does not minimize nor take away from mental health concerns. They go hand in hand. We have hope because of Christ AND feelings because we are human; Jesus cried out with emotion, and yet, he was sinless. The feelings themselves are not sinful, it’s what we do with the feelings. Processing the feelings allows us to be a better friend, family member, and neighbor. We won’t process our feelings perfectly though, and thus, we need to grant ourselves grace and apologize to our loved ones when our feelings get the best of us. 

I’ve always grappled with why God gave me certain struggles. I've now learned I wouldn’t have my passion for mental health without my struggles. I've also processed a lot about how I am a person and different experiences I've been through. This processing helps me to be a healthier person. I continue to process, and probably will my entire life. Our problems are never over. 

My struggles have been a journey of up and down, but isn’t that how the sanctification process works out too? Now that anxiety and depression are becoming more common as we go through the pandemic, my struggles and passion can come together to help people in a positive way. I’m seeing God use my struggles to come alongside people who are new to feeling anxiety, and those who have felt them for years. My imperfection can be used to serve a perfect God and savior. My prayer is that each of you will experience how beautiful it is to turn to Jesus with your struggles and experience the power in processing your emotions. Much love my friends, and take care of your mental health and physical health.