When runners have a bad race, they can let it get them off track or the bad race can propel them forward. I’m hoping to do the latter of the two. I ran in my first Olympic Trials Marathon this past Saturday. I went into the race with high hopes. I was fit and feeling good. My coach had developed a great plan to help me maintain my fitness level and recover in the 6 weeks between CIM (my qualifying marathon) and the Olympic Trials Marathon. I did my best to bond with the elliptical in between the two marathons and was thankful when my training schedule listed more running.
Then on race day at about mile 10, my worse nightmare in the marathon happened-- my digestive system shut down and I was unable to digest fluids or GU. Soon cramping followed, and slowly my body shut down. Before I knew it I was way off pace. Each mile I fell even further off pace. My hamstrings tightened first, then other muscles followed. My dreams of running well in the Olympic Trials went down the drain before the halfway point. I finished the race about 16 minutes behind my goal time. I am not going to sugarcoat this experience and say it was exciting or fun simply because it was the Olympic Trials. I am honored and humbled that I was able to run with such talented women but there is nothing fun about suffering through a race with a stomach that won’t digest anything. Fighting through the end of a race because I worked hard and my legs are tired is exhilarating, but fighting through digestive issues and cramping is just painful.
Now that the race ended and I am back home in San Francisco, I am working on recovering and trying not to go stir crazy while I do. After races that do not go according to plan, I have realized the importance of recovering both physically and mentally while also looking toward the future. I felt a sense of failure as I crossed the finish line and I felt like I let so many people down. I am hoping the disappointment adds a fuel to the fire to help me push further in my training. I texted a teammate for advice the day after the race. She acknowledged that it is hard when races go poorly, and reminded me to recover and look toward the future. Recovering from races such as this is hard, but is necessary if I want to succeed in the future.
As I look toward the future, I am reminded that I need to come up with measurable goals. The night after the race I sat down and listed all the times I want to run in every distance from the marathon down to the mile for the next four years. I am dreaming big about the future and have high hopes of running well in track season and another marathon later down the road. I am thankful to have an encouraging support network each step of the way.
Lastly, I am reminded to dream big. A few years back I wanted to run a sub three-hour marathon once in my life. Now, my dreams are much bigger. Being surrounded by so many talented runners in the bay area has helped me dream big. Furthermore, many people in the SF bay area are making sacrifices to go after dreams such as starting a company or running fast. To run my goal times, much work and sacrifice will be required, but I am ready for the hard work, and excited to look ahead. I’m keeping my head up and forging forward. One race at a time, I will move forward toward those goal times on my spreadsheet. Cheers to running well in 2012.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Living with regret, redeeming the past
This week I was thinking about regretting decisions from the past. Many of us probably want to go back in time and make some different decision. Sorry, blog readers: I’m not sharing any crazy stories on my blog today. I was thinking about regretting past decisions in regards to running. I have had years of inconsistent training in the past because at times I made decisions that were not very conducive to training for competitive races.
Last week I was reading Runner’s World and it seemed like every story I read talked about elite runners putting in the miles for years before becoming a good marathoner. Many of these women put in their miles while they were in the early to mid 20’s and are now racing well in their late 20’s or in their 30’s. I didn’t do this. I was a recreational runner for most of my 20’s. I have had a few spurts of getting in race shape for a few years, but have also had many years of being in recreational runner shape. However, I have to live with the fact that I cannot change the past. I can only learn from past experiences and use these learning to make good decisions in the future. Many of my choices from the past have shaped who I am today and made me more empathic, tougher, stronger, and have shaped a vast array of other characteristics in me.
It’s tempting to be angry that I did train for a few years or that I only ran one year in college. Regretting that I did not run in college seems to cross my mind frequently these days. However, different circumstances in my life made training challenging during these points in my life. A certain level of anger can drive me to leave my heart and soul at the race, however; too much anger or regret is not productive.
In church on Sunday the pastor said something that seemed to tie together how I should look at the past. He said something along the lines of, “we need someone or something to forgive us, because it’s so hard to forgive ourselves.” This statement reminded me that God has forgiven me for all the mistakes I have made. I may have trouble forgiving myself, but God sent his son down to earth to pay the price for our sins—now that’s true forgiveness. I can rest in this forgiveness and work on redeeming the past with more positive experiences in the present day, instead of feeling regret about the past. Later in the sermon the pastor went on to say that many of us are exhausted because we cannot receive forgiveness. This is so true in my own life. Not letting go of the past and staying angry about all the reasons that kept me from training is just going to be an emotionally draining exercise. I am ready to train at this stage of my life, and all I can do is work toward my goals in the present. The pastor finished the sermon by reminding us that we are treasured people in God’s eyes. God’s forgiveness and love is all I should need to let go of the past.
My goal for 2012 is to redeem the past by running well in the present day and letting the past stay behind me. Living with regret about choices I made or things I did not do will only exhaust me. Living to redeem the past acknowledges God’s forgiveness and perfect timing while making a part of my life that was once broken whole again. Cheers to healthy training and fast running in 2012. I’ll end with Psalm 62: 1-2. “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” (Holy Bible, NIV).
Last week I was reading Runner’s World and it seemed like every story I read talked about elite runners putting in the miles for years before becoming a good marathoner. Many of these women put in their miles while they were in the early to mid 20’s and are now racing well in their late 20’s or in their 30’s. I didn’t do this. I was a recreational runner for most of my 20’s. I have had a few spurts of getting in race shape for a few years, but have also had many years of being in recreational runner shape. However, I have to live with the fact that I cannot change the past. I can only learn from past experiences and use these learning to make good decisions in the future. Many of my choices from the past have shaped who I am today and made me more empathic, tougher, stronger, and have shaped a vast array of other characteristics in me.
It’s tempting to be angry that I did train for a few years or that I only ran one year in college. Regretting that I did not run in college seems to cross my mind frequently these days. However, different circumstances in my life made training challenging during these points in my life. A certain level of anger can drive me to leave my heart and soul at the race, however; too much anger or regret is not productive.
In church on Sunday the pastor said something that seemed to tie together how I should look at the past. He said something along the lines of, “we need someone or something to forgive us, because it’s so hard to forgive ourselves.” This statement reminded me that God has forgiven me for all the mistakes I have made. I may have trouble forgiving myself, but God sent his son down to earth to pay the price for our sins—now that’s true forgiveness. I can rest in this forgiveness and work on redeeming the past with more positive experiences in the present day, instead of feeling regret about the past. Later in the sermon the pastor went on to say that many of us are exhausted because we cannot receive forgiveness. This is so true in my own life. Not letting go of the past and staying angry about all the reasons that kept me from training is just going to be an emotionally draining exercise. I am ready to train at this stage of my life, and all I can do is work toward my goals in the present. The pastor finished the sermon by reminding us that we are treasured people in God’s eyes. God’s forgiveness and love is all I should need to let go of the past.
My goal for 2012 is to redeem the past by running well in the present day and letting the past stay behind me. Living with regret about choices I made or things I did not do will only exhaust me. Living to redeem the past acknowledges God’s forgiveness and perfect timing while making a part of my life that was once broken whole again. Cheers to healthy training and fast running in 2012. I’ll end with Psalm 62: 1-2. “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” (Holy Bible, NIV).
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