My first marathon: CIM

After having a few bad races in October, which left my running confidence in the dumps, I finally started racing better in November and December. In November I ran a huge PR in the 5K, and in December I ran my first marathon. I have always enjoyed racing well, but I realized that I appreciate good races even more when they come after a string of bad races.

California International Marathon (CIM) was my first marathon, and I had a great experience. I know that many people have a negative first marathon experiences, but having a good first marathon experience is very possible. I’m living proof.

Even though I believed in my training plan and had done the work I needed to do to prepare for the marathon, I started to panic a few weeks before CIM (and I really started to panic a few days before the race). I was ready and I knew deep down I was ready, but as I hit my taper weeks, and the starting line got closer, my emotions took over. My main fears centered on something happening in the race that was out of my control. For example, what if I have to go to the bathroom? Get a stomach ache? The list of fears seemed to grow in my head as the race neared closer. My fear of failure plagued me more each day. I started to worry, "What if I did all this training and do not run my goal time?" I was a mess the week prior to the race. Luckily my pre-race panic subsided the morning of the race. My nerves were still going in full force on race day, but my doubts that were distracting went away. I felt a sense of peace as I went into the race. I was very thankful for this sense of peace that came over me on race day.

CIM starts in Folsom, California and ends in Sacramento, California. Most people stay in Sacramento and take a bus provided by the marathon to starting line. (When I say most people take the bus, I mean thousands of people board a yellow school bus headed to the starting line). Our bus driver got lost getting to the starting line. Instead of panicking when I heard her say she was lost, I simply turned on my ipod and listened to Amazing Grace and Shout to the Lord a few times each. I took in the words of these songs as we rode the bus. We eventually arrived at the starting line. CIM had elite warming tents set up and I went and sat in one of them with a teammate until it was time to warm up.

The rest of the time until the warm up was non eventful. I warmed up, went to the bathroom, and headed to starting line as one of the race officials let us know the gun would go off in a few minutes.

Even though I felt much calmer on race day, my fear of downhills still bothered me. I have an irrational fear of downhills, and I was fearful of a hill in mile 1. I did one of my long runs on the course and had trouble with this hill. I had been thinking about this particular hill for weeks. As I went down the hill that I was so scared would ruin my race, I sang Amazing Grace in my head and successfully made it down the hill: “My chains are gone, I’ve been set free, My God, my savior has ransomed me.” My hours of worrying about this downhill went away as I sang these words and the rest of the song in my head.

Other than the dreaded downhill, I don’t remember running most of race. Nothing crazy happened to make me forget the race. I just ran along with the pack and my teammates. I relaxed and tried not to think. I felt pretty good until about mile 23. I felt like I was on a tempo run. At other parts of the race, I felt a twinge of discomfort but it usually lasted only a few minutes. For example, I had a stomach cramp in the beginning and my legs felt heavy for a 2-3 min at a few parts, but mostly I felt amazing until mile 23.

At mile 23 I started focusing on getting to the next mile and stopped counting miles. I ran with one of my teammates and together we made it to the finish line. My official time was 2:44:57. After I crossed the line, it took a few minutes for it to set in that I had qualified. I quickly found Jonathan, friends, and teammates and the reality set in—I qualified for the Olympic Trials. I was (and am) beyond excited.

As I look back on the race, I am reminded of three main things. First, I need to live in the present while also aiming for future goals. I need to realize I accomplished a major running goal, and let myself celebrate that before getting lost in the next goal. I still have many more running goals to accomplish and have my sights set high, but I plan to work on each of those goals one at a time.

Secondly, I do not want my fear of failure to stop me. Anytime I put myself out there to work toward a lofty goal, failure is a possible outcome, but I would rather try and fail, than never try. No matter what types you goals you have in life, go for them. Someday, when I look back on life, I want to know that I went after goals I was passionate about in life. I have a number of running goals I want to accomplish. Many obstacles have stopped me from working toward these goals in the past. Currently I am focused, healthy, and ready to work toward these running goals that are so important to me. I want to know I put my all into accomplishing these running goals, which is something I will never regret. Lastly, I could not run the way I do without the support I have from so many people around me. I am excited about what’s next and thankful to have the support of so many people as I work toward my goals.

Thoughts before I run my first marathon

On Sunday I am running my first marathon. I feel fit, have faith in the training plan I followed, and am ready for the marathon. I have been through a vast array of emotions in the last few weeks as the marathon draws closer. I am excited and nervous, and mostly just ready for race day to come. I love training in San Francisco. Even though I have lived here since May, I am still in awe about the beauty of this city. I am thankful for great running weather, and wonderful running friends. I LOVE running in Golden Gate Park. I feel a sense of peace as I run through the park. Even in the short time I have lived here, I’ve had many wonderful runs in the park and I hope to have many more. I always look forward to meeting others for a run. Good conversation and a good run are the perfect way to start any day. In the last few weeks, friends have given me some advice. My favorite tips are listed below. I hope these tips help some of the other runners out there.

• Anticipate chaos (Thanks, Brooke)

• Remember the race can only be won in the second half....and the second half begins at mile 20....the race can, however, be lost in the first half! (Thanks, Clive)

• Gu early, Gu often (Thanks again, Clive)

• Enjoy it all (including the week leading up to the marathon) and have fun (Thanks, Dad)

• Say this to yourself during the race: I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure (Thanks, Anne)

I’m so thankful for my friends and my sweet husband who have been so encouraging along the way. Hopefully I’ll have some of my own tips to add post marathon.

Happy Running to all!

It's the little things that count

To my lovely readers: I am back with a new blog entry in record time. Flying to the East Coast a few times in the last few weeks defiantly allowed me more time to blog. 5+hours on a plane is plenty of time to read, write, and watch a movie. As always, thank you for reading.

This week I have been thinking about the importance of all the little things I need to do to improve my running. I often get lost in the day to day of life and forget to do the little things. Three key events reminded me that I need to take care of myself. First, last week at the church the sermon was on rest. I had just returned from a few days in Tahoe and felt extremely rested. The sermon reminded me that rest is a biblical concept and something we all need. Secondly, I was reminded that I need to sleep more. If I want to be an elite athlete I have to think like one, and elite runners get their sleep. Thirdly, I was able to contrast the difference between feeling rested in Tahoe and feeling exhausted at home the following week.

Basically, if I want to run better, taking care of myself will play a role in my training. Many times I think of these things as just taking up time in my day and fail to recognize the importance of the little things, but these little things turn into something big when all done together.

I have picked out a few ways I plan to take care of myself….

1. Sleep

I plan to sleep more. Starting with last night, I started keeping a sleep log. Included in my sleep log is the number of hours I have slept, how I felt, and reasons for not getting enough sleep if I fall below my 8-½ hour mark.

My sleep has been up and down the past few months. Sometimes I sleep 6-7 hours and then head out for a workout thinking that my lack sleep will not affect my performance. At times I am able to churn through the workout just fine, but my lack of sleep eventually catches up to me. On my recovery run on Wednesday of last week, I was so tired I could barely function. Wednesday was a recovery day so I could run slowly, but my lack of sleep made this run so much more painful. My legs felt fine, but my body was tired. Luckily, one of my friends and sweet Impala teammates joined me and helped me forget that my body just wanted to sleep. I used to be great about going to sleep early, and I plan to start going back to my early bedtimes. So, if I call any of you when I should be asleep, please remind me to go to sleep.

2. Shoes

I have to be diligent about changing my shoes. I must shamefully admit that my last pair of shoes had about 1,500 miles on them. This cannot happen if I want to run well. After 500 miles, my shoes need to be retired to my rainy day shoes and my rainy day shoes need to hit the recycling bend.

3. Stretching, Massage, and Ploys

I tend to be one of those people who likes to stretch at awkward times. I am that woman stretching in the airport, on the curb as I wait for the bus, or in other public places. A few months ago I read in a magazine that stretching in public places is one of the most embarrassing things runners do. To all those I embarrass, please accept my apologizes in advance. I do promise not to stretch at any formal occasions. All jokes aside, stretching is so important and so easy.

I have found that the combo of a baseball, foam roller, and stick (yes, that’s the name of the tool) makes for a great combination of tools.

I have also started doing ploys and I am hoping the strength will help me. The other day I was doing my ploys in golden gate park and the group of middle school tourists making fun of me was not the highlight of my day, but I endured on anyway. ☺

4. Eating healthy food

In Tahoe, one of the women who was up there cooked very yummy food every night. I felt so much better eating freshly prepared food, eating more fruits and vegetables, and cutting down on some of the quick food options I pick up from time to time. I do tend to eat fairly healthy but many times I do not have time to cook and have to pick up something on the go. Nothing beats a home cooked meal.

5. Spending time with God

As a Christian I need to keep my focus on God. I often enjoy some quality time with God when I am on a run by myself. Looking at God’s beautiful creation often reminds me of the power of God. Spending time reading my Bible is also an important aspect of my spiritual life. I know that I cannot earn God’s favor, for I am saved by grace, but if I want to live a life that is glorifying to God, I need to constantly be reminded of God’s character and will for my life. This past week I have been reading Ryan Hall’s book entitled Running with Joy. This book has been a huge reminder to me that I need to find my identity in Christ and not in my performance. I highly recommend this book. Even if you are not Christian, I think you will enjoy this book.

For my readers who are not runners, I hope you too will realize the importance of taking care of yourself in whatever you do. I know some of you overwork or over do it another sport. I also know that many of you are much better at taking care of yourself than me. I know it can take awhile to change my habits, and I do not expect to change overnight. However, I can start making changes each and every day. I know that I have felt so much better during the seasons of my life when I do take care of myself. Little changes of little things, add up to big things. I always appreciate advice on how others accomplish these little things, so bring on your comments.

God called me to run

I have not blogged in awhile. This summer was quite busy. In the past I have posted many of my race reports on here but today I turn to another topic. As I spend so much time training for my races many times I examine God’s calling for my life. I once read a book that discussed how to find God’s calling for your life. This book did not really help, but after reading the book I realized that finding God calling can be quite simple. God gives us talents/skills and gives us things that we enjoy doing. We should use these skills that we enjoy to glorify God while remembering these talents are from God. We can work at these talents that God gave us, but God gave us the natural skill.

I feel like God called me to run. This is one of my callings in life. I feel alive when I run and I feel like a day without running is missing something. I enjoy running and feel as if I have some natural talent, which I am trying to refine. I am thankful for this talent; yet, at times I get frustrated with my performance in races. I know that talent has to be refined through hard work done in a strategic manner but even with hard work many times races do not go as planned. At times I want to thank God when things go well, but I forget to be thankful when they do not. As I strive to live out this calling, I need to remind myself that emotion is part of all humans.

Expressing emotions is not sinful. Jesus was fully man and fully God. During his time living as a man on earth he express a variety of emotions from sadness to happiness. Toward the end of Jesus’ earthly life, Jesus was sitting in the Garden of Gethsemane and said the following in Mark 14:34 “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Holy Bible, NIV). Jesus knew he would die a physically painful death on the cross. He never lost hope in God’s overall plan for the world, but as a human he expressed sorrow. I need to use Jesus as my example. At times things may not go my way and I may have a vast array of emotions, but I strive to remain hopeful in God’s overall plan for my life and the world. When things do go well, I also need to remember all I have comes from the Lord.

As I express my emotions, I hope to be thankful and remember that the Bible says all things from God are good. Psalm 118:1 says, “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his loves endures forever” (Holy Bible, NIV). I take great comfort in knowing that all things from the Lord are good and that once I put my hope in the Lord, nothing can separate me from the Lord.

Lastly, many times I feel a sense of selfishness while I pursue my running. Spending so much time running can seem like such a selfish use of time when people are going to bed hungry in places right near in the Bay Area. I wrestle with this issue. However, I am reminded that my calling to run is equal to other callings in life. Using my counseling skills to help people, working in marketing, and running are all equal callings by God. I find great joy in living out all the callings that God placed on my life. What has God called you to do?

Today I sit here in Tahoe looking at God’s beautiful creation and I am thankful God called me to run. As I train hard for the next couple of years, I am hoping to run many PR’s while also remembering that all I have comes from the Lord. Look for race reports to come in the future.

Marin Memorial Day 10K

This is from a race in May, but am just getting a chance to post this blog entry.

On Memorial Day, I ran the Marin Memorial Day 10K. I had not been feeling great in the week prior to the race and had not run a 10K in about 4 years, so I was hesitant to run the race. Also, I did not know if I was prepared to run a race in CA. I felt semi-settled, but was still very new to San Francisco. I decided to run the race the night before but was open to bailing if I felt bad that morning.

When I got to race, I felt like everyone had a team except for me. (I have since joined a wonderful track club.) I warmed up solo and headed for the start line with time to do strides before the race. I tried to ease my way near the front of the start, and tried to squeeze in between the teams. I knew the race would go out fast so I wanted to be near the front, but not in the front. After the gun went off, I could not move for a few seconds because there were so many people, but soon, I was off, and my first race in CA has started.

I tried not to go out too fast, I knew it would be easy to get caught up in a pace that was too fast for my fitness level. I hit the first mile in 5:40ish. I was happy with that pace. I do not remember my 2 mile split. My third mile split was 17:35 ish. I do not remember the rest of my split, but I do not remember my form breaking down with two miles to go. I also feel apart mentally. I started to think that the other runners were faster, and at that point I feel apart mentally and physically. Many times I start thinking about how much others have accomplished in the running world and lose focus on running my own race.

I am not sure what my splits were for the last two miles but I know they were significantly slower than my other miles. I finished in 36:35, which put me at an average mile pace of 5:53/mile. I felt like the race went okay, but not great, however I guess it went as well as could be expected since I feeling poorly the week prior. A big part of my running is mental and this is an area I need to work on along wit my fitness. I was glad to have completed my first CA race. Hopefully I will have many more CA races to come.

Counseling is an Unattainable Service for the Large Majority of the US

Warning: I am about to step onto my soapbox.

Many of you know that the price of mental health services is a topic near and dear to my heart. Counseling is not affordable for a large portion of the people in the United States. I am not advocating that the government take over the health care system, but I am advocating that the mental health professionals aim to make at least some of their time affordable. As someone who is not yet licensed and is green in the profession, I am sure many more seasoned counselors have thoughts on this issue.

However, even in my short time in this profession, I have seen how people fall through the cracks. If people are materially poor then the government will pay for the person’s mental health services. If people have good insurance and a billable diagnosis, then the client can just pay for his or her co-pay, but what about the rest of the population? What about marriage counseling where neither person has a billable diagnosis? What about grad students? What about the working class? What about middle class people with children and every day bills? The list could go on, but you can understand the people who fall through the cracks. We have so many people trained in the mental health profession, yet; still so many people consider mental health services out of reach.

I do believe that mental health professionals should be able to make a living and I know that this is a working profession and not a volunteer job. Mental health professionals have bills just as the rest of the world does, however, we end up with these skills to help people, yet, and so many cannot use our skills because of money. This is a huge problem.

At the end of the day, I am advocating for a mix of clients. If all mental health professionals took just a few clients at a very low fee ($20-$40/hr), this would make a huge dent in the problem. Are mental professionals all so busy and strapped for cash that taking on one or two clients at a reduced fee would break the bank? Doubtful. We cannot save the world, but we can use our helping profession to help people who need help.

Reflecting on our time in Durham

Yesterday we officially said goodbye to Durham. I said goodbye to many before I made the drive to San Francisco a few weeks prior, but at that point, I knew I would still be back one more time for graduation. My first goodbye was tearful. My second was not as emotional but I felt the weight of leaving Durham. Saying goodbye the first time and the second time was hard. Durham was good to us.

We had wonderful friends in Durham—friends that we will keep for life. Many of our friends were from Fuqua, students and partners. So many of the partners provided a listening ear many times and were just overall loyal friends.

We will also miss our church friends. Most of our church friends were in our bible study that met weekly. These friends helped me feel more connected to community in such a big church. They also provided me an immense amount of help with my move and never complained while they helped. They seemed joyful to be able to help.

Another group I will miss is my running friends. I found a running group about 6 months before I moved. I feel like I have known them for more than 6 months though. These friends kept me company on long runs, pushed me during my hard workouts, and provided encouragement for my running. The group was a great fit for me. Finding a running group that is a great fit can be challenging so I am always happy when I find such a group. This is another group that was especially hard to leave. Thank you Bull City Track Club. They reminded me of my Dallas running group I enjoyed so much.

Lastly, I loved getting to know my school friends that lived in the area and the folks at my second internship site, Blacknall Presbyterian Church.

We will miss Durham greatly. We are excited about our new life in San Francisco. As we get settled into SF, I am reminded what it is like to start over with finding a new community of friends. I am sure we will find a community of friends here, and am thankful that so many Fuqua folks are headed our way to start that community.

Thank you to all of our friends in Durham for a great two years. We miss you so much, come visit. Go Duke!

Third Time's the Charm: UNC meet 3,000m

I titled my race report "third time's the charm" because I registered for two other races for today that did not happen. (What are the statistical chances of that happening?) I signed up for the 5,000m in the Highpoint meet and the 5,000m in the UNC meet. I only planned to run one of them, and earlier in the week had decided on the Highpoint meet and paid for that one. However, I received a call from Highpoint mid week letting me know that the meet would be moved to Sunday night since rain was expected on Saturday. I was not happy that the race was moved to a completely different day. I had other plans on Sunday night and would not be able to race then. I then figured I would just run the 5,000m at the UNC meet, however, when I checked the revised schedule for the UNC meet, I noticed that the 5,000m had been removed from the schedule. I then learned that I was the only person signed up for the race so it was taken off the schedule. UNC offered I could switch to the 3,000m. I was nervous about switching to the 3,000m because I have not run a 3,000m in a little over 10 years and was concerned that I would not have the speed for that race. I do not consider myself a 3,000m runner. However, at the end of the day, I figured the 3,000m was my best option for a track race.

Race day: My race was scheduled for 8p. I decided to go up to UNC about 2p to find the track and paid my entry fee. I am directionally challenged and had trouble finding the track. When I did find it, I could not find parking, and it was pouring down rain. I finally found a spot to park and went to track only to find out they were on a weather delay. I asked the women who I checked in with for information on the delay but she did not have any information. I went back home. I came back a few hours later, the rain has stopped, and the meet was back in action. They skipped the break in the meet and my race started just a few minutes after 8p.

When I checked in for my race I was not on the list for the 3,000m so they added me on to bottom and gave me hip number 14. However, when I got to the starting line the man lining us up did have me on his list either so he decided that I could not be 14, and I had to be the last person, 18. I changed my hip numbers and went to the last lane. The man lining us up was not pleased that I was not on his sheet and I felt bad that I was causing his so much frustration.

Furthermore, since the meet was running behind, the meet officials decided to combine the men's and women's 3,000m. This means we had about 30 people starting at the same time. We were informed that the men would start on the waterfall start and we would start a little behind them. We probably started about 2 meters behind the men which is where we were told to start.

The meet officials finally got us lined up and the gun went off. I came through the first lap in about 76 seconds and the 800m at 2:43. I had no idea what I should be running since I am not used to the 3,000m, but I was excited that before I knew it we only had a mile to go. I wish I had looked at my mile split, but just did not think about it since this was such a fast race. I actually did not look at any of my splits for the laps after the second lap. I ran in the lead pack for the race. It was a tight pack and I just tried to maintain my position and not trip over someone feet. I finished 4th. My official time was 10:07 for the 3,000m. (I clocked myself at 10:05 so I guess I started my watch 2 seconds late.)I did not really have a time in mind that I wanted to run. It would have been fun to break 10 mins., but overall I am happy and I had fun running the race. I still do not consider myself a 3,000m runner though. The winning time was 10:04.

I ran two track meets and really enjoyed both. I'm bummed my mini track season is over. I had so much fun being back on the track.

Emotionally Tied to My Jeans

For all the women reading this post, you know how difficult it is to find the perfect fitting jeans. It seems so unfair that men can walk into a store and come out with a pair of jeans a few minutes later. I’ve always had a hard time finding jeans because I’m not cut like the “average” person. (I realize that average is a relative term.) My Mom has always said I’m shaped like a box, making it a little better by saying I’m a cute box. Jonathan seems to be in agreement about my box shape. All this to say, in the past, I have spent hours in the store trying on jeans. Sometimes I still walked of the store not completely satisfied with my purchase.

In college I found a style of Gap jeans that I felt like fit well, and I kept buying this same style of jeans. I’ve gotten rid of most of these Gap jeans because they are quite tattered and do not fit that well. I’m not sure that they ever fit that well, they were probably always a little too baggy but I went through a phase where I did not want to wear anything too tight. I have one pair of these jeans left. As I have been getting rid of old clothes in preparation for our move, I just cannot seem to part with these jeans. I remember how hard it was to find these jeans and that I actually felt comfortable in them. As silly as it may seem, for now, I think I’ll hang on to these jeans. They remind me of so many memories and they do make for a comfortable pair of jeans to lay around in on a lazy day.

Race Report from Duke Track Meet

This past Saturday I ran in a track meet at Duke. Here's my race report.

Race Report for Duke Invitational 5,000m

Prologue: We are in the process of moving. Typically I get fairly nervous a few days before a race, however, I was so consumed with moving details that I did not have a chance to get nervous until a few hours before. Also, when I get stressed I get a stomach ache and have trouble sleeping. I experienced both of these signs of stress the week before the race. My stomach aches during the week prior to the race coupled with getting stomach pain in my last race, made me wonder if I stomach would pose a problem during the race.

I did have a few good weeks of training since my last race and those weeks gave me some of my confidence back. Also, my legs felt rested from an easier week prior to the race.

Race:
I arrived at the meet in plenty of time to warm up. I picked up my hip numbers at 6:30p and my heat was set to go at 6:45p. When the man in charge of giving us our hip number called out my name he said, "Sarah Lee, number 16" then he looked at me and said "I love your cakes." I resisted the urge to say something sarcastic. Even since I got married and became Sarah Lee, I've heard many jokes about my name. None are original. After getting my hip numbers, I did some final stretching and strides before my race. I had forgotten how crowded it is down on the track which made it a little harder to do my strides.

I was in heat "B" of the 5,000m and it was a very full heat. I did not go out fast enough and got boxed in early. I had to run around the outer edge of the pack a few times to get a better position which I'm sure wasted some energy. I had trouble moving around too much in the first few laps, but after those laps, the pack broke up a little. I stayed with the lead pack for the first mile. I came through the first mile in 5:40. After the first mile, one women took off. She ended up getting first. I thought about going with her but she seemed to be pushing a fairly hard pace. She did not hold that pace the entire way, but I did not know what she was going to do and we still had 8 and 1/2 laps left. I stayed with the pack behind the leader. I wish I could remember more of my splits but I cannot. For the rest of the race, I just sat back with a few other women and then kicked with a lap to go. I found it very helpful to have others do the pacing and I could just focus on watching the lap count drop.

I finished in 17:53. I was pleased to run under 18 min. and would love to run a little faster this Saturday to finish out my North Carolina experience on an especially good note.

On a personal note, I am happy to be getting faster. Running healthy is a great feeling. At different points within the past 10 years, I have not been able to train well (or at all) for a variety of reasons. It feels great to be back at a point in life where I can work toward accomplishing the goals I was unable to strive for at other times in life. I'm thankful and now running well had deeper significance for me. I still have not made the exact times I want to reach, but I feel like I am on the correct path to get there.

Two more North Carolina races to go: a track meet this Saturday and the blue cup on 4/20 (a friendly competition between the MBA students at Duke and UNC. My husband is at Duke and spouses get to participate so I plan on running in that race.)

Thanks for reading my race report! :)

Facing Failure

Today I failed. I would actually refer to my race as an epic fail. I ran an 8K (5 miles) and got a stomach pain at mile 3. This was not a "I feel like I am going the throw up because I ran too hard pain." No, this was just plain old stomach pain. I have only had similar pain while running one other time. I consider this race an epic failure because I trained hard and tapered for the race yet I did not run like it. The time I ran today, I could have run without so much training and especially without tapering. My legs are fine, they feel great. I never had a chance to push my legs because my stomach pain slowed me down too much. I worked hard to not perform. This all coupled with the fact that I can be hard on myself can be a bad combo.

My sweet husband was at the race to cheer me on and there to provide a big hug at the end. He was very supportive. Post race I was all tears, and just wanted to leave. I did my cool down on the treadmill at our hotel. Last time I got such bad stomach pain in a race there was beer after the race which helped to calm my tears. This time there was no beer so the tears continued. Days like this are not my proudest days, and I wish I handled them a little better. At this point I hope to never return to Kinston ever again. I know this is an extreme statement and I will probably change my mind at some point, but for now I'd like to forget the race happened. For this race I won't be writing a race report. All I would have to write are mile 1-3 were fine, mile 4-5 were no fun.

At first I did not plan to write anything about this race, but I later decided to blog about it because sometimes all I do is read about people having the perfect races, and that is not how the the life of most runners pans out. We all have bad races and today I had one and felt a strong sense of failure. I'll have to remember this race for a few weeks because I am not racing again until April 8th. Quite honestly, I'm a little afraid of failing then too. I could try to put an optimistic spin on this blog, but I'll pass on that. I know running a bad race is not the end of the world, but it still stinks and just does not feel very good. Hopefully next time I run a race I will have a happier race report to send out.

Running Through the Forest Thinking About "Jesus Messiah"

Recently I have been listing to the song “Jesus Messiah” by Chris Tomlin quite frequently. This is a great song for a running mix or just to listen to at home. The line I have had in my head from this song is, “Jesus Messiah, Lord of all.” The song talks about Jesus as a great redeemer and the Lord over the entire world.

The words of this song have really spoken to me lately, and especially this morning on my run. As I have been studying about Jesus and the time before Jesus came, I can so clearly see that the Old Testament sets the way for a perfect messiah. In the Old Testament, the Israelites wanted a king, and had many kings, but none of them could rule perfectly. Even the kings, who were the good kings, were still far from perfect.

David was a great king, but also had a great sin. In 2 Samuel 2:11 David committed his great sin by sleeping with Bathsheba, who was a married women. Then David compounded his sinful acts by having Bathsheba’s husband killed when David put him in the front of the battle lines. David did not repent of his sin until God sent Nathan, a prophet, to convict David of his sin. David then repented of his sin and the Lord forgave him. Even though David sinned, the Lord still favored David and appreciated that David truly had a heart for God. David was so far from perfect, yet he recognized his need for the true God, Yahweh. This is so encouraging to me because I sin everyday and as I repent of my sins, I am thankful God is concerned with the state of my heart and not that I can perfectly obey.

Flipping back to the Jewish people wanting a Messiah, many people back in Jesus day had a different idea of what type of savior God would send, however, many agreed that they believed that true king and messiah would come from the line of David. Christ did come from the Davidic line. God made a covenant with David and part of that covenant said he would, “enable his son to build a temple.” God did not mean David’s direct son but meant someone from the Davidic line. Someone from the Davidic line did rebuilt the temple in the Old Testament, but David’s descendents still realized the need for a perfect king. Christ fulfilled this by being the perfect king. Christ was not the king many expected. Many expected a more powerful king, but looking back we can see how perfectly Christ fulfills the promises from the Old Testament. The Old Testament is so filled with messianic prophecies that pave the way for Jesus.

Today I was thinking through all the people in the Old Testament had to go through as they were taken from their land, lived in exile, and then rebuilt the temple. The people deserved this as they constantly sinned but God so graciously provided for his people in the Old Testament just as he provides for us today. The words of his song about Christ humbling himself for his people and coming as a redeemer give me such a such a deep appreciation for what Christ did on behalf. I need reminders of just how perfectly history is planned out, and Jesus amazing love for God’s people. So many years and so much history all build up to the plan God has to redeem the world. The final stage of redemption for the world has not come yet, but our savior has come, and will come again.

As I ran through the Duke forest this morning and listened to this song many times, all of this history was so fresh in my mind. This song encompassed so much of this history and my life that I was thinking about. My body was tired, my legs felt like dead weight, I was already getting nervous for a race next week, and I had was thinking about the studying I needed to do, but this song gave me a sense of peace and thankfulness that Jesus sent this perfect messiah who is so real in my life. I still wish I faster and smarter and I’m still nervous about my race and stressed about my test, but comforted by the powerful love of Christ, my Lord and savior. Becoming a Christian did not automatically take away my fears, but it gave me an ultimate hope to live for today and everyday.

Run for the Oaks 5K

This weekend I ran the Run for the Oaks 5K in Raleigh. I'll try to remember as much as possible for this report, but now that it is Wednesday night, last Saturday seems like a long time ago.

The weather was great on Saturday. The temperature was in the 40's at race time, although it quickly warmed up after. The race was in downtown Raleigh. The course started in Moore Square, and mainly seemed to go out and loop back around to end at the same place we started.

My legs felt heavy from the beginning after a long week of running, but as the gun went off I got a burst of energy. I ran the first mile in the mid 5:40's...If I remember correctly the split was 5:44. After mile one I felt great and had a spirt of energy. I hit the second mile in the 11:40's. I think it was about 11:45. However, after I hit the two mile mark, and had 1.1 miles to go, I started to feel fatigued. Also, another woman had just caught up to me and passed me at this point. When she first passed me, I thought, oh well she beat me, she looks strong, and I'm feeling beat. However, then my ubber competitive nature kicked in and I picked it up. We went back and forth for awhile, and then with about 800 meters or less to go, I sprinted it in. I've never really had a kick, but on Saturday, I actually surprised myself and had a kick. My finishing chip time was 18:20.

As a prize I won a $50 gift card to a running store in Raleigh, which was great because I needed a new water bottle for my Sunday run. Overall the race was well run and enjoyable. I'd recommend it.

Here is a link to the results. http://bit.ly/h9kH4J

Feeling powerless in the face of a test

I would like to preface this blog entry by saying that for the most part I have enjoyed my learning experiences at seminary. I have learned a vast amount about psychology and theology.

Now, on to my topic, my Old Testament class. This is the first class I legitimately think I could fail. I have never had a fear of failing my other classes, but this class is known for its high failure rate. With my other class, I have always known I would do fine if I prepared for class and the tests. Old Testament includes one test at the end of the class and the one test makes up students entire grade for the class. Furthermore, part I of the study guide includes 133 questions, some of which I am not even sure are correct on my study guide. Part II of the study guide includes questions about the main points of every book in the Old Testament.

I realized that the class is a self-defeating experience where I feel helpless and uncertain if I will pass. No matter how hard I study, I still may fail. I also feel a sense of injustice for myself and the other students who are taking the class. We can study for hours, but many come up short, and many are unable to even attain a “d” on the exam. We are in a helpless position. This class has given me a further glimpse into what the helpless in society must feel. This may seem like quite a stretch given this is just a class. But, this is one I work on everyday, unable to find many of the answers, and I remain a voiceless class participant as I struggle through it everyday. I cannot ask students who already took it for help because this is against the class rules so I must reside myself to solo studying with my commentary in hand 7 days a week.

I know many people in society feel voiceless because they live in a sense of poverty. Many people do not have a voice and must just struggle within the system. I live a life vastly different from people who sit in material poverty, but today I get a glimpse into feeling helpless and powerless. I know this is only a glimpse, but this small glimpse into helplessness is tough. Back to studying I go. I would love to ace this test to make up for some of the injustice those other hard working students had to face as they failed this test. I can only hope that I pass this test. Two more weeks until test time.

race report

Running has always been an important part of my life, and lately I've started training harder again. For a few years I got in a running slump where I just ran for fun and did not train hard. I missed the competitive aspect of running through, and want to make another strong push at running fast.

When I run fast, I feel so alive, and when I have my easy days running through the forest, I have some great conversations with God. I also enjoy running with others, I LOVE the social aspect of running. For those of you who know me best, you probably know that running is an important aspect of my life. With that said I ran a 5K a few weeks ago. My race report is below. I'll probably be blogging about running more in the future. I LOVE TO RUN!

Race Report for the KD Shamrock 5K (or rather 3.17 mile run)

I signed up for this race to test my fitness level. Going in I knew that my fitness level was not where it used to be, but I wanted to see where I actually stood. I was quite nervous going into this race. I could feel my stomach turning as I drove the short distance from Durham to Chapel Hill. I had not run a race since last April, and wondered if I would remember how to pace myself for a 5K. I arrived at the race early so that I could secure a prime parking spot. The race started at the Kappa Delta house at UNC. Around 7:40a the KD's liven up the environment by blaring festive music such as Black Eyed Pea Songs.

At about 8a, I started my warm up, and tried to just relax as I listening to my running mix on my ipod. I warmed up away from the race action to try to stay calm and focused. I stretched for awhile because I could not seem to get my right leg to loosen up as I warmed up. About 8:40a I started to notice they still had not drawn the starting line. Finally at 8:55a, they drew the starting line and I realized the race was not going to start at 9a as planned. The start was odd. Everyone was standing behind the starting line for awhile and eventually they shot the gun. No warning that I heard or announcement from a race director. I am not sure what time the race actually started.

I felt good as I started running. I bought new shoes this week and they made me feel fast. The course had plenty of spirited sorority girls directing runners through the course. They kept the course fairly clear, although in the last half mile they did not stop people walking across campus and I almost had a collision with an unassuming UNC student who looked like she was trying to go study. The last part of the course was a little windy which made it hard to kick, although I did try to give a final push in last small stretch. I came across the first mile in 5:50, the two mile mark at 11:48, and finished at 18:56. I know the race was longer than a 5K, it was listed at 3.175 on the course map but I was skeptical of that measurement. I was disappointed with my finish time, but now I have a renewed vigor to train hard. However, I can say I got used to being in a race environment again and got a good workout.

The food at the end of the race was okay. They had bagels w/ cream cheese, nutri grain bars, pop tarts, and brownies. The nice girl handing out the brownies explained that they were for carb reloading. The KD's may not have run the race perfectly, but they get an A+ for hospitality. They personally (and cheerfully) handed out bagels, brownies, and water while runners waited in the food line. They also had child care and let the kids build a fort. I do not have children, but one of my friends put her child in the childcare and she said it was great.

I was the first overall female and the prize bag was pretty good. This improved my mood after not running a great time. My prize bag included $10 to Jason's Deli, A free meal at Panera, Sunday brunch for two at Carolina Crossroads (in the Carolina Inn), $30 to Back Alley Bikes, and $60 to place called WOW. I'm still trying to figure out what the last one is. In addition to the gift cards, the bag included a headband and a very large pair of gold loops, neither are my style but I'm sure I can find a friend who will use the items.

Thanks for reading my race report. :) Happy running to everyone.

This season of life

I’m not really sure if anyone reads my blog, but I like to write so I’ll keep writing either way. For those of you who know me, I’m extremely extroverted. On the Myers Briggs I’m a strong “E”. Talking has always been a hobby of mine. I genuinely love to be around people and have people over for dinners and parties. In many stages of my life, I’d had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with people. I’ve enjoyed those stages.

Now I’m in a stage where I spend a great deal of the day alone. I am taking two distance learning theology classes and doing some other work from home. My work is not people oriented. The transition to adjust to this temporary season of life has been difficult at times, and a growing experience at other times. So many days I miss the human interaction of life and am so thankful when I do get to spend quality time with people.

This season of life is temporary. My classes will be over soon and I’ll find a counseling internship. However, I do not want to pass this season without taking time to reflect on it. One of the main things I have learned is that we do not always get to have life the way we want it, and when it’s not the way we’d pick, we need to adapt. As I have adapted I learned to talk to God more throughout the day. Some days the length of the days would get to me and my attempts to chat with God would just leave me more restless.

Then I heard about centering prayer. I’m so thankful to learn about this type of prayer. Basically for this time of prayer you just repeat a few words over and over that reminds you of God or are from scripture (ex: abba father). Then you sit with your eyes closed and say those words. Before you finish, you take a few deep breaths. I’m sure I am way over simplifying this method of prayer, but the main thing I learned from it is just to sit with God and enjoy that intimacy in a simple way. This type of prayer is not suppose to replace other types of prayer. It’s just an additional type. Through it, I’ve learned to relax and just enjoy the intimacy with God without letting my mind wander in many directions.

I’m just in the middle of this season, and yet, I can already see that this season has been one of smiles, tears, and learning.

My recent thoughts about Jesus

Lately I have been thinking about the person of Jesus. I’m taking a class called Life of Jesus, which started some of my more in depth thinking about Jesus, and through conversations with friends I’ve further developed these thoughts. The reason I am blogging about this topic is because I think many people have an inaccurate view of Jesus and the time in which he lived. I must say, for many years I was one of those people who thought of Jesus from my cultural lens. I do not have it all figured out, I’m still learning so much about Jesus everything, but I’m thankful for the things I have learned recently. Here are the highlights of what I’ve been thinking about in relation to Jesus. I’m sure I’ve borrowed some of this insight from those I have chatted with about this topic.

#1: Jesus was not a good moral teacher.
The following quote brought this point home for me this week:
“…Quite simply, the most shocking thing that has ever been uttered by human lips… I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: “I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept His claim to be God.” That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would be a lunatic — on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to… Jesus was never regarded as a mere moral teacher. He did not produce that effect on any of the people who actually met Him. He produced three effects — Hatred, Terror, and Adoration. There was no trace of people expressing mild approval. “
--C.S. Lewis

Lewis reminds us that regardless if you accept Jesus as the redeemer of the world, he was not a moral teacher. Jesus did many things that were shocking and did not sit well with his contemporaries. I think we have two options: except Jesus as our savior or write him off as an out there kind of fellow. I’ll take the first.

#2: Jesus is big enough to save the world.
This next quote reminded me that often we do not realize he is big enough to save, and we cannot half heartily believe in Jesus. We either believe in him fully or we don’t. The Bible does not offer a pick and choose option.
“A recent survey of the Church of England, discussing the manifold reasons why people do not go to church, comments, wryly: Part of the reason is simply a lack of belief that the death of Christ was turning-point of history.”
--N.T. Wright

This quote struck me because even though I am a professing Christian, and intellectually know that Jesus is big enough to save the world, I do not always remember this when life gets tough. Most people would agree that Jesus lived and is a historical person, but do you believe he was a mighty savior who rose from the dead?

#3: I cannot earn Jesus’ love…I am saved by grace, yet I should strive to live a life pleasing to God.
Anyone who is reading this and is at familiar with the Christian faith has probably heard that Christians cannot earn their way to heaven. The Bible makes it very clear that we are saved by grace. One passage that states this point is below.
Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Holy Bible, ESV).

I have known that I am saved by grace for years, yet for many of them, I do not think I realized I was still trying to work my way into Jesus’ good graces by performing. This is a tiring way to live because no one can ever do enough. It’s so logical to think, I can never do enough and therefore I do not need to perform, yet it’s so much more comfortable to try to perform because then we have more control of the situation. However, I do want to live a life pleasing to God out of my deep love for him. I am trying to step back ever so often and look at where I am trying to perform without realizing it. How freeing to know that the law cannot save me. I sin so often and am in desperate need of God’s grace.

#4: Jesus was part human and part God. This is important. He understands our suffering—he was human and went through suffering. Jesus is available in the highs and the lows. The people in the Old Testament had God and many prophets to direct them. Some of them were filled with the Holy Spirit (ex: King David), and God appears to them in more outright ways (ex: appeared to Moses in a burning bush). However, we now have a savior who has been through human suffering—this is huge. Life goes through up and down, and as I experience these different aspects of life, I’m so grateful to have a savior who went through a human life. All Christians now have the Holy Spirit in us as well. God is not some distant, far off being. He’s so real and personal to me. The more time I spend talking to God, the more time I feel the strength of that personal relationship he offers all me.

Thank you for reading this long blog. I have so much more to say about Jesus, but my other thoughts will have to wait until another time. I encourage everyone reading this to give Jesus an honest look. Many TV programs will tell you about all the flawed evidence about Jesus’ life, however, there is actually more evidence for Jesus resurrection that many of things we believe. On top of the evidence that exists, my personal conversations with God have assured me of his real presence in my life.