I have a distant memory of seeing my friends in person at each other’s homes. It seems like so long ago when I could just run over to a friend's house and knock on the door, yet it was just a few months ago. During my time at home, I have often faced loneliness. My husband is an essential worker, and while he’d like to hang out with us, he has to work long hours right now. I have friends, yet, many of them are in the same boat and have small kids running around. I’ve searched for answers from the Christian community on how to cope with my loneliness, and I haven’t found many groups addressing this topic. I’ve heard answers such as read your Bible and pray. I do both of these things, yet the loneliness still lingers. In a spirit of authenticity, I decided to write a blog post on this topic, figuring maybe I’m not the only person who feels this way.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs states that we need our basic needs met first and then we can move to higher needs, such as psychological needs. My heart breaks for those people whose basic needs aren’t met during COVID-19, because these groups have historically been marginalized. However, we can equally have a heart for those hurting from not getting their basic needs met and those struggling with psychological needs. We serve a God who cares about both types of needs. We can look beyond a pyramid and see individuals as whole people who are spiritual, emotional, and physical beings.
Furthermore, I find it important to differentiate between joy and happiness as I approach the topic of loneliness. Happiness is based on our circumstances and feelings, whereas, joy is knowing and anticipating something great is happening in the future. Even if we are miserable in our present circumstances, we can have joy in knowing truths about God, and seeing a future of hope in Jesus.
I often feel like much of the Christian community wants to promote turning away from trying to obtain happiness, and realizing this is not our ultimate purpose in life. I agree, but I wonder if some of these broad statements dismiss our feelings and true loneliness during this time? What if we validated that God had bigger plans for us than simply seeking happiness, yet we didn't try to fix someone’s feelings or put a quick band-aide on loneliness?
After much thought and reflection here are four ways I’d recommend facing loneliness.
Turn to God: Read your Bible, pray, journal, He can take all your emotions.
Made for community: Recognize we are made for community, we weren’t created to live in pandemic isolation. The way we are living is not natural.
Admit the feelings: Cry the tears, acknowledge how tough this time can be on some people
Acknowledge your personality: Certain personalities require more interaction, that’s okay, it’s part of how you were created.
If you are wondering how to support someone who is feeling lonely, I would recommend acknowledging how your friend or family member is feeling. Listen and empathize. Know that you probably won’t be able to fix the problem. If you have a few ideas to help, ask before you share your ideas. You can help tremendously by just being a safe person. If you do offer ways you can support the person, such as meeting up for a walk, I’d recommend making sure what you offer is doable on your end. Promising help and then not following through could increase loneliness.
In closing, loneliness is a problem in normal times, and this problem is exacerbated during the pandemic. A few days ago, I was listening to a devotional by Tim Keller, pastor and author in NYC, and Keller discussed that the Psalms end with praising God. However, he also said that many other emotions are displayed in the Psalms and it may take us a while to get to praise. You can have hope in Jesus even on days you feel crummy, and it’s okay if you don’t feel like jumping for joy. The Bible is full of a range of emotions, and you are allowed to feel all of them. The ending in our story is hope in Jesus, and the joy that comes from that hope. I pray that even in your loneliness, you know that Jesus loves you and your Father up above sees your pain and is heartbroken with you. May God comfort you today and everyday. Peace and love to you all.
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